15 Reasons Why Perfectionists Have Such A Hard Time Finding Love


1. Perfectionists spend more time on career.

Career come with job description, KPI and constant feedback from managers. Somehow, career is the easiest challenge for a Perfectionist. They are extremely responsible so they will work hard to meet all the deadlines. They are the first to be promoted, so they have great chances to become senior managers in their 30s. So yeah, finding love is not really their top priority.

2. Perfectionists refuse ‘compromise’. 

Their perspective is framed like this: all or nothing, now or never! They will often commit themselves to tight deadlines or to unexpected work challenges. Admit it, for Perfectionists the need to excel comes first. So, yes, being the lover of a Perfectionist comes with a life sentence to always be on the second place.

3. Perfectionists demand perfection.

There is no such thing as perfection when it comes to the person you love. We know it. They refuse to know it ;) Sometime, exactly the imperfection is what makes us beautiful. Oh, well lobbying for this approach when Perfectionists are around is a lost cause.

4. Perfectionists always look for genuine love.

They will tell you that true love do exist and what they look for is their soul mate. So they will procrastinate a bit jumping into a new relationship considering that The One will simply appear. Well, statistics say that chances to find your soul mate are 1 in 10,000. So yeah, maybe a good plan could overcome these odds :)

5. Perfectionists want to be in control with their lives. 

They have a certain type of productive solitude. They do exactly what they like. Admit it, even the most independent person that is part of a couple would crave from time to time for such a life. Single perfectionists cook for dinner their favorite dish without going into compromises with their significant other, they could watch Sports on TV for an entire Sunday, without asking their love if they could watch one more tennis game. Not to mention that perfectionists could sleep as much time they want without feeling sorry that their lover will feel left behind.

6. Perfectionists blame themselves a lot and that hurts.

Once in a while, they will look back in their life and they will discover a terrible fact. Most of their friends got married and have kids. In 1970 the average age of first marriages was 22.5 years for men and 20.6 years for women. Nowadays the numbers increased to 28.4 for men and 26.6 for women. Even so, they run out of chances because they don’t even date someone right now.

7. Perfectionists have low self worth.

What is their biggest fear? That fear will be the Failure or being labeled as failures. So, yes, having an ex talking around about the imperfections of a Perfectionist would be a social disaster. The end result is that a Perfectionist might consider not being prepared for a real relationship.

8. Perfectionists easily spot incompatibility in other couples. 

Each time they do that, they promise themselves not to do such a mistake and get in a relationship just for the sake of being with someone. The fact is that chances are 50-50 for a couple to end up in a divorce or to succeed in marriage. So, if by Universe will a Perfectionist will get married and will eventually end in divorce, that will be the ticket to a long depression. They will feel responsible for not making things work.

9. Perfectionists have high standards. 

There’s some good news, though. In US, the number of single people reached 50.2% of the adults. Unfortunately, Perfectionists screw it again because they are trapped in a paradox of choice. There are a lot of online dating platforms, but they fail finding love. Why? Because they have high standard. Most probably they end up interviewing people instead of enjoying the flow of flirting.

10. Perfectionists procrastinate, waiting for the ‘right’ moment.

Many of them cannot imagine that their love lives ‘next door’, in the same city. Maybe they watched to many times Before Sunrise, so they plan long distance holidays once in a while. What happens in between? Nothing. They simply focus on work.

11. Perfectionists are popular on Social Media.

Virtual life could be the right place for Perfectionists to show that they are perfect. That’s why, Perfectionists will picture themselves in great colors when posting on Instagram. In fact, this is just an ordinary mission to be accomplished. While doing so, most probably a Perfectionist will glorify the virtues of being single ;)

12. Perfectionists are too complicated.

In real life, they might be more respected than loved. They have such a complex mind, paying attention to everything. You cant compete with that! There’s no room for mistakes. You’ll simply be dismiss whether is work related or a relationship. So, yes most probably you’ll stay away from them.

13. Perfectionists have trust issues.

When it comes to work they would hardly trust someone to handle things as good as they do. In their romantic life this trust issue will act like a curse. Hey, lover, our relationship will fail for sure, sooner or later, so you better watch out and let me control it. With such a fatalistic vision, who would date a Perfectionist?

14. Perfectionists are defensive. 

Love relationships are about evolving into better persons together. For Perfectionists this is not an option. They will turn defensive on each feedback you have on their paradigm. Their winning card is simply to criticise their lover. Do such an imperfect life together fancy you or you just dump another perfectionist?

15. Perfectionists are people-pleasers.

Yes they are, but in fact all of them look for acceptance. In order to overcome this perfectionism, a person should cultivate an unconditional self-acceptance. After reaching this state, finding love would be a much more acceptable reality for an adaptive Perfectionist. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Adriana Ancuța

Multipotentialite / Curious mind / Passionate about trees.

More From Thought Catalog