A Marathoner’s Guide To The Friends Thanksgiving Episodes

“The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs” (Season 7, Episode 8)

Plot: Our Friends are preparing Thanksgiving dinner while Phoebe attempts to secretly keep a dog in the apartment despite Chandler’s dislike for them. Meanwhile Rachel is doing her best to pique the interest of her assistant/crush, the younger Tag.

Quote:

Chandler: “And, Joey, while I’m gone don’t let Ross look at any maps of the States or the globe in your apartment.”

Joey: “Don’t worry. It’s not a globe of the United States.”

Fate of the Turkey: Devoured off screen by everyone but Ross, who should probably redo the 6th grade. He cheated for leftovers during the credit sequence, though. Hopefully they gave Clunkers a piece fatty piece.

NYC Inaccuracy: Nobody would be able to hide a dog in an apartment for that long. They constantly need to be taken out and paraded around the neighborhood for walks. Not to mention the bathing and barking would become fairly obvious in such tight quarters. New Yorkers lack of geographic knowledge outside of their own city was a pretty accurate assessment, though.

Best Friend: Phoebe wins for bringing Clunkers into the mix with a web of absurd lies.

Random Observation: Previous episodes have shown that Ross’s apartment is a floor below Monica’s… which would have made it impossible for Monica to see the gang feeding the dog on her couch. However, based on other previous evidence, it may be the case that Monica gains superpowers around the holidays.

Drink Pairing: White wine spritzers would be the perfect drinks to flirt with Tag over.

“The One with the Rumor” (Season 8, Episode 8)

Plot: This is the Brad Pitt episode. That is how we all know it. Pitt guest stars as Ross’s old high school friend who, like Monica, has lost a lot of weight since then and become incredibly attractive. His longstanding issues with Rachel come to a head when it’s discovered that he and Ross spread a scandalous rumor about her in high school.

Quote:

Joey: “Here come the meat sweats.”

Fate of the Turkey: Because it would have been like the Fourth of July with not apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas, the turkey was reluctantly made specifically at Joey’s request. He consumed all 19 lbs. of it in one go while wearing Phoebe and Rachel’s hideous maternity stretch pants.

NYC Inaccuracy: There aren’t any major inaccuracies in this episode but it is a little strange that so many people who moved to be a big city would be so interested in an old high school friend that they’d invite them to Thanksgiving dinner. But it’s an excuse to see Brad Pitt, so fine.

Best Friend: Rachel is our girl this year, having survived the co-founders of The I Hate Rachel Green Club, the revelations about Billy Tratt, and finally put the rumors of being born intersex to rest. She was also correct about Ross’s torrid underage affair with Mrs. Anita Altman (RIP).

Random Observation: Ross and Will were best friends in high school at the same time Rachel and Monica were. One member of each pairing lost a ton of weight later in life. I wish we’d gotten to see Brad Pitt in a fat suit too.

Drink Pairing: Martini. At only about 125 calories and with no sugar added this is a great choice for Will, who’s very calorie and health concious. Also a great choice for scheming revenge over.

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