An Open Letter From Your Almost Girlfriend

I don’t want a part of you.

I don’t want you only on the weekends. I don’t want you on a random Tuesday. I won’t be your last minute plan.

Don’t bother texting me out of the blue just because I happened to cross your mind. I no longer want just a part of you because part of you is not enough.

I don’t want the bare minimum, although it’s easier and more comfortable for you to do just enough to keep me around. You said you want to see where things go, that was last week. Well, where have you been? Did you mean what you said or were you just bored? Your actions aren’t lining up with your words. Do I have the right to be surprised? I should know by now, this is just how you are. Right?

Stop wasting your breath and keeping my time, stop making me guess how you feel.

I don’t want a part of you. If I can’t have all of you, I want nothing. No relationship at all is better than a partial relationship. I’d rather not have you at all than sort of have you, sometimes.

If I’m waiting it’s no longer for you to come around. I’m waiting for the person that can leave more than a trail of mixed signals and inconsistencies behind like breadcrumbs. The thought of losing you is more bearable than continuing to linger in a haze of vagueness and ambiguity.

I wish you well, I wish you happiness but I respect myself too much to just be an option. I realize now, that you were never going to give me all of you, and that’s ok, but I can’t give you me at all, not anymore. You don’t get to have me because you never deserved me, not even a part of me.