To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before And Then Lost Interest In Because They Showed Interest Too

Hello! It me. The girl you might have actually liked but I never found out if you actually did because I thought you did so I immediately believed something was wrong with you for being into me and therefore lost any and all interest! Also, the challenge was gone and therefore I found you very boring.

Anyway, enough small talk; wassup?! How’ve you been? How’s your mom? She and I never met but we could have had I actually decided to pursue things and let you take me on a date! Who knows! Not me. Or you, evidently. Oh well.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Maybe it’s because my life is beginning to feel like a breathing Adele song from the album 21 when she was all sad and single and stuff. (How do you set fire to the rain? IT IS WET!) Or maybe it’s because I’m genuinely considering auditioning for The Bachelor. (What up, Blake? Just moved to Denver! Becca may have made the wrong choice, BUT I WON’T.) Or maybe it’s because Pete Davidson is legit engaged and in love and shit. (I loved you first.) Probably a combination of the three. But I digress. I think (?) the point is this:

Lol sry I suck! I hope you’re doing good and have a job and stuff and love and emotional stability and some money in your savings and at least one piece of adult furniture. Or at least one of those things. Idk. Whatever makes you happy. Happiness is subjective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” Do you think I’m deep yet?

Anyway.

I’ll end with this: All the best, and please say hi to Linda.

(That was your mom’s name, right? I just made that up, it just sounds like a mom’s name.)