Sometimes, Timing Is Just Not In Your Favor

I always believed that love was a choice, it was never just about feelings because I could want to snap your neck in half today but I would still love you tomorrow. Gosh, when I found you I thought maybe after many trials with love, I could finally meet that person that I would choose to love even things get rough and I did. I found you, fresh after a broken heart. I knew you understood, that I wasn’t whole nor was I complete. I had cracks and dents from all the pain that I went through to, to all the guys I thought I loved – and maybe I did but I know it wasn’t the kind of love I gave you.

I thought I deserved you, for all the bad things that have happened, you were that one good thing in my life. I deserved you, I said.

I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for all the things that you have done, for all the love I received from you. Thank you for teaching me how to love myself despite all the rough patches we went through. Thank you for all the times that I felt that I wasn’t good enough but you made me feel that I was more than enough for you, and that was what kept me going. Thank you for smoothing out all the dents and filling all the cracks with your love that made me whole once again. Most importantly, thank you for making me believe that love is true, no matter what the circumstances are.

I’m sorry for making you who you are today, bitter, untrusting and most importantly broken. I thought that I deserved you, and I did but it turns out you didn’t deserve me. You deserved someone much better than me, who can make you laugh in a middle of an argument. Someone who would make you want to be a better person because you want to treat her right, because I know that isn’t me.

I wasn’t that girl, the perfect girl you thought I was when you fell for me. I am utterly sorry that I hurt you enough that made you hurt me in return.

I’m setting you free, because I know that is your happiness now because my time in filling that spot has come to an end.

Maybe I’ll run in to you again, and that time you’ll choose to love me despite everything and maybe – just maybe my love will be enough to make you stay.

Maybe I’ll be the girl that you deserved.