A List Of Theories That Would Explain Why I’m Single

1. Dave Grohl is married and therefore any chance I had at true love is no longer possible.
2. Brendan Urie and Tom Hanks are also married.
3. The patriarchy. It just ruins everything.
4. Online dating sucks.
5. Dating IRL sucks.
6. Dating, in general, just sucks.
7. I just, like, really need to focus on my work right now.
8. I need to just do me for a while.
9. I’m totally happy on my own.
10. I got totally hammered on the second date with this guy I actually thought was cool. Oops!
11. Men are boring.
12. Life is boring.
13. I’m boring.
14. I’m too good for everyone!!!!!!
15. I have extreme problems with intimacy and getting too close LOL!!!1!1!
16. I never texted back that guy who really liked me because I figured something must be wrong with him for being so into me. (I mean, desperate much?)
17. I text back too fast.
18. I text back too much.
19. Chivalry is dead.
20. Love is dead.
21. I’m dead (on the inside).
22. I go for men who would never be into me and ignore the ones who actually think I’m worth something.
23. I turn everything I’m insecure about into a joke.
24. I drink too much beer.
25. I drink too much whiskey.
26. I drink too much, period.
27. I tell my Uber driver more about the inner workings of my brain than I tell the people I actually have in my life.
28. Bad timing.
29. Bad cell phone reception.
30. Bad jokes.
31. Bad luck.
32. A lack of prospects.
33. I’m not good enough for anyone.
34. I’m 25 and meeting people after college is hard.
35. My laugh is too loud.
36. I don’t state my needs loud enough.
37. I’m still getting over you and therefore sabotage any chance I have with someone new.

But these are just theories, I can’t say for sure.