I’m Slowly Learning That It’s Okay To Ask For What I Want

Some people grow up conditioned to believe that things are just never going to work out exactly the way they wanted it to, so it’s better to be someone who doesn’t ask for more and just accepts what life has to offer without wanting more, without fighting the urge to break free — in other words, some people grow up conditioned to believe that it’s okay to settle. That settling is good for the soul because trying to change your life is a war not everyone is prepared to fight.

I’m slowly learning that just because I didn’t ask for what I want growing up doesn’t mean it should be a pattern in my life. I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to change that pattern, to start asking for what I want, to believe that I deserve it and to realize that asking for something you want doesn’t make you a selfish or a greedy person, it just makes you honest and real.

I’m slowly learning that the more I evolve and find myself, the more people are going to question me and who I’ve become. They’ll dislike the change, they’ll dislike the new person who is learning how to stay no or stand up for what she believes in. I’m slowly learning that discovering your self-worth will aggravate a lot of people who seemed to profit from your insecurities.

I’m slowly learning that I’m becoming a stronger person and it’s starting to threaten those who got used to being stronger, those who had the upper hand and those who loved being in control. I’m slowly learning that I have a voice so I can use it to ask for what I want. To ask for what I deserve. To put an end to the insults and the disparaging words and I’m slowly learning that finding myself means losing a lot of people and maybe even losing parts of who I used to be.

I’m slowly learning that if I want to be happy and thrive in life then I can’t settle anymore. I can’t feel bad for wanting more or asking for it. I can’t let people make me feel guilty or ungrateful for wanting more because I’ve been patient, I’ve been complacent, I’ve been settling for as long as I can remember and I’m realizing that this is what brought me so much pain and so much misery.

I’m slowly learning that maybe I was taught a lot of wrong lessons from teachers who didn’t really care whether I fail or succeed. I’m slowly learning that you don’t have to remember all your lessons. Some lessons were wrong, some had to be unlearned and some are only going to sink in if you teach them yourself.

And maybe right now I need to teach myself because everyone taught me that settling brings happiness and peace of mind but nobody taught me what to do when settling only brings pain and anxiety. So maybe right now I need to stop settling and start asking for what I want and believe that I deserve it all.  

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.