The Disposable Sex: 33 Reasons It Sucks To Be A Man
“We're replaceable. We're easily discarded. A woman's death is a tragedy; a man's death is a happening.”
1. A woman’s death is a tragedy; a man’s death is a happening.
“We’re replaceable. We’re easily discarded. That’s the military view at least, but this mentality spreads throughout. A woman’s death is a tragedy; a man’s death is a happening.”
2. In war, we are the pawns.
“War. We are the pawns. I remember when I had to register with the selective service (mandatory). Thankfully, large scale conflicts are becoming more of a thing of the past, and at least in the US, the draft is not something anymore. But it sorta hit me when I filled out my paperwork that if there ever was some massive conflict again, and they had to call people up, myself, all my childhood male friends, all males in my community etc… would find ourselves in fatigues, buzz cuts and shipping off to god knows where leaving behind moms, sisters, wives and female friends.”
3. Men have no choice when it comes to ‘pro-choice.’
“I’ll probably get killed for this, but anyway, I’m very pro-choice. Women, your body, your decision, zero issue with that. However, I think males should have a choice in whether or not we’re financially on the hook supporting an unwanted child. I’d probably step up anyway, cause I have a conscience, but what’s with the obligation? Athletes/actors/celebs are targets for groupies trying to get a payday.”
4. We’re expected to not have any emotions.
“At this very moment, I’m sitting at a table for 2 eating alone. Got stood up. This was supposed to be my first date in months. I’m emotionally crying on the inside but I can’t show it. When shit like this happens it’s hard to not question myself and try to validate my value as a person.
I can’t cry, because I’ll look weak. I can’t slam the table, because I’ll look dangerous. I can’t yell, because I’ll look crazy. The only thing I can do is sit here quietly and eat my overpriced dinner because I’m a man, and I’m expected to not have any emotions.
6. We die younger.
“The fragile body, dying younger, more disease, more genetic ailments, lower pain thresholds, increased risk of completing suicide…”
7. We’re the disposable sex.
“We’re the disposable sex.”
8. We are never allowed to appear weak.
“I’d say that the 20-ton weight that all men struggle with to a greater or lesser degree is the iron-clad demand to never appear to be weak. Society demands it on every level.
It’s the root of all the dick waving horse crap and at the core of a LOT of men’s anxieties. And it’s absolutely grounded in shame.
This crushing weight is an enormous barrier to getting comfortable with vulnerability, accessing joy, and finding some peace in this world.”
9. We are alone.
“Maintaining your personal mental health in a society that emphasizes the exact opposite.
When we’re subjected to psychological or physical abuse, it’s a bit worse because we tend to try and handle it ourselves or feel / are told that it’s our fault for how we handled the situation.
Police laugh at us when we report domestic abuse.
Courts laugh at us when we try and get custody of our kids from an abusive spouse.
We become jokes to our own family.
We are alone.”
10. The suffering of men is less important than the suffering of women.
“I haven’t seen anyone here mention obligatory military conscription for males where females do not. When I hear feminists complain about microaggressions while blatant sexism like that is still systemically and legally encoded I have to call bullshit.
Some other include the idea of “women and children” first. Inherent in that belief is that men’s lives are less important or valuable.
That the suffering of men is less important than the suffering of women. Women receive much more pity and help when struggling with issues while men are expected to deal with it.
Males receive much harsher punishments on a systemic level for crimes rather than females. Again, when I hear about the wage differential between males and females but then if I bring up the fact that males receive much harsher punishments for the same crimes I’m instantly dismissed too.
Men commit suicide at much higher rates than women.”
11. The constant, crushing weight of responsibility.
“The constant, crushing weight of responsibility. We are expected to be strong, to suck it up and do what it takes, while being the rock and provider. No emotions, no complaining. That’s a lot to live up to.”
12. Nobody gives a shit about us.
“The expectation that I should be able to deal with all my problems myself without any help. Often I hear women saying they wish society would trust them more, and leave them alone, and I’m not disrespecting that, I also think society should treat women more like adults who can take care of themselves. The flip side of that is when we do need help, men have less options, because nobody gives a shit. We’re just told to “man up” and deal with it. This is a generalization, I’m sure there are examples where men get help, but structurally this has been my experience.”
13. Movies and television tend to either portray men as tough guy assholes or idiotic children incapable of doing the simplest tasks.
“Movies and television tend to either portray men as tough guy assholes or idiotic children incapable of doing the simplest tasks. I spent 10 years in the army, been in a few firefights and used to jump out of helicopters. I also enjoy cooking, I often do the laundry and I’ve been taking care of my son every weekend from Friday night to Monday morning since he was born (my wife is in the medical field and works 12 hour shifts on the weekends) and he’s still alive with almost all of his limbs. Luckily you can live a normal life with only 9 toes.”
14. We have unequal rights in general regarding children and child care.
“Unequal paternity leave/rights… Just unequal rights in general regarding children and child care.”
—jck0
15. Society jokes about prison rape.
“That society feels prison rape is an appropriate and deserving part of a man’s prison sentence to the point that we routinely joke about it.
We condemn countries that rape young women as judicial punishment but laughingly tell young men not to drop the soap.”
16. It’s way harder to feign ignorance/powerlessness as a male student.
“I don’t know how true this is, but it’s way harder to feign ignorance/powerlessness as a male student.
If you were a girl in my school, especially in IT department, it was always easier to get teachers to be softer on you by saying
I didn’t understand, I’m sorry, I worked so hard, I’m lost!
As a guy, I never tried to pull that off, but when I was genuinely lost about some stuff, teachers were really harsh and the idea was basically ‘man the fuck up, not understanding/knowing is not an option.’ They were always softer with girls. But maybe that’s just IT.”
17. If a female slaps a man in public it’s not extreme for people to call her empowered.
“Males get the least sympathy, it seems for abuse. If a1 male slaps a female in public (I’m not suggesting this is okay) everyone assumes he’s a terrible human being.
If a female slaps a man in public it’s not extreme for people to call her empowered. Many would assume the man is in the wrong for getting slapped. Not everyone does this but it’s at the very least a large minority.”
18. Despite the statistics, we’re assumed to be the primary aggressor in all domestic cases.
“Being assumed to be the primary aggressor when it comes to domestic violence despite hundreds of studies supporting the fact that women and men abuse each other at similar rates.
According to George and Yarwood (2004), police have threatened 47% of male victims of intimate partner violence with arrest. George and Yarwood also found that the police ignored 35% of male victims and 21% were actually arrested instead of the female perpetrators. in 2008 Douglas and Hines conducted the first-ever large-scale national survey of men who sought help for heterosexual physical intimate partner violence. (Douglas and Hines, 2011) Some 302 men were surveyed. This study found that between half and two-thirds of the men who contacted the police, a DV agency, or a DV hotline reported that these resources were “not at all helpful.” The study elaborates: A large proportion of those who sought help from DV agencies (49.9%), DV hotlines (63.9%), or online resources (42.9%) were told, “We only help women.” Of the 132 men who sought help from a DV agency, 44.1% (n=86) said that this resource was not at all helpful; further, 95.3% of those men (n=81) said that they were given the impression that the agency was biased against men. Some of the men were accused of being the batterer in the relationship: This happened to men seeking help from DV agencies (40.2%), DV hotlines (32.2%) and online resources (18.9%). Over 25% of those using an online resource reported that they were given a phone number for help which turned out to be the number for a batterer’s program. The results from the open-ended questions showed that 16.4% of the men who contacted a hotline reported that the staff made fun them, as did 15.2% of the men who contacted local DV agencies. (p. 7) Police arrested the man as often as the violent partner (33.3% vs. 26.5%) 7 . (p. 8) The partner was deemed the “primary aggressor” in 54.9% of the cases. In 41.5% of the cases where men called the police, the police asked if he wanted his partner arrested; in 21% the police refused to arrest the partner, and in 38.7% the police said there was nothing they could do and left.”
19. People think you’re some creepy freak whenever you go out in public.
“I worked at a new summer camp for my local church as a boy’s camp counselor for a few summers. It was a volunteer job that I really liked since it was with my local church and all the staff are family or good friends of mine. We had a group of kids who returned every year so we all got along well. Since we were a small camp group it was 3 guy counselors for what ended up being about 8 male campers from ages 10-14 if I remember correctly. They reached out to us after camp one year to go to our local six flags amusement park one summer and all the guys camp staff attended since they were kind enough to invite us. So we’re in charge of these kids and long story short, I have to take our 10 year to the restroom out of line so he doesn’t get lost. I as a lone overweight scraggly guy am receiving terrible glares from other park attendees since to them I’m just walking around with some kid. As I wait outside the restroom a city wide amber alert for nonsense across town goes off, which in the big city is sadly frequent. Now on the way back to our ride line I get bystanders and even one park security guy trying to “subtly” follow me around, all glaring daggers at me for what seemed like an eternity. The alert is solved about 2 hours later, but those were a very terrible 2 hours on my end. It was then I realized that as a guy, especially with how I looked, that I could never work or be around kids and be taken seriously or respected since I look like a creep apparently. It really messes with your head when you believe people think you’re some creepy freak whenever you go out in public. I have younger family members that I’m now afraid to interact with because of this social stigma. If I was a lady or looked different, I bet I wouldn’t have this issue since people wouldn’t jump to assumptions.”
20. Male victims of domestic violence who call law enforcement for help are statistically more likely to be arrested themselves than their female partner.
“Many things, mostly arising from the fact that society has changed to make genders more equal, but treatment of the men by society and the law still is the same. Back when men had virtually all the power, they had all the responsibility too. Over past several decades, the power is more and more uniformly divided between men and women. And unfortunately, the groups who fight for women’s rights haven’t been to keep to fight for women’s share of burden.
It has gotten to the point where people who make huge fuss about relatively banal things like menspeading and mensplaining are totally oblivious or even hostile towards the very real problems men face. Homelessness for example, ‘1 in 4 homeless are women!! In reality,
• Male victims of domestic violence who call law enforcement for help are statistically more likely to be arrested themselves than their female partner.
• 47% of male victims of domestic abuse are threatened with arrest. 21% are arrested.
• Males receive, on average, 63% longer sentences than females for the exact same crime.
• Men make 95.7% of global median prison population (which is almost the same proportion of male to female CEOs. While higher male CEOs is oppression and patriarchy, higher male prisoners is simply because “men are criminals”)
• In the US, 3.5 times more men to die by suicide as compared to women (even though females attempt suicide 3 times as often as males)
• And one is often greeted with hostile responses on reddit or IRL when someone dares to even bring up men’s issues. Not saying it’s only men who face problems, but the notion that “men have it better than women” should be questioned.”
21. A woman plays with a random child on the playground? ‘Aw, so sweet.’ A man plays with a random child on the playground? ‘CALL THE POLICE!!!’
“Double standards.
A woman plays with a random child on the playground? ‘Aw, so sweet.’ A man plays with a random child on the playground? ‘CALL THE POLICE!!!’
A wife works extra hours to make ends meet? ‘That poor woman…’ A husband works extra hours to make ends meet? ‘Well, that’s his job!’
A woman claims abuse? ‘Send the man to prison!’ A man claims abuse? ‘Well he obviously did something to deserve it, he’s probably exaggerating, etc. etc.’”
22. The amount of power women have over men legally is terrifying.
“Knowing that a casual fling with the wrong girl could ruin your entire life. The amount of power women have over men legally is terrifying. It’s completely possible for a woman to decide after the fact that something consensual wasn’t to her liking. The laws exist to prevent and punish real sexual assault. These laws are necessary and I personally can’t see a better solution. That’s what makes the ability to abuse them so scary.”
23. We live with the constant fear that someone could falsely accuse you of sexual misconduct/violence.
“Living with the constant fear that someone could falsely accuse you of sexual misconduct/violence. You could lose everything in the blink of an eye.”
24. This ‘male privilege’ that people are talking about recently.
“This ‘male privilege’ that people are talking about recently. I grew up in poverty and worked really hard to pull myself out. I sacrificed having friends or doing pretty much anything I enjoyed so that I could either study to better myself or work to pay for my education. I only recently was able to land a good job in the tech field and start to enjoy my life for a change.
It’s infuriating to me when some rich girl with parents who paid $100,000 for art school tells me: “well, I would have been an engineer too, but I don’t have that male privilege going for me.””
25. Nobody really gives a fuck about you or your problems.
“Nobody really gives a fuck about you or your problems. I have yet to meet a woman that understands this at all.
I had horrible depression for about a decade. Nobody in my own family helped me. I never got a single fraction of a sliver of a shred of an ounce of emotional support, sympathy, empathy, or care. I absolutely would be dead or well on my way to suicide today if it wasn’t for my best friend. Without going into details, he saved my life. He didn’t really do a whole lot, there’s not a big story there but he gave a shit and extended a hand and my life is a billion times better today for it.
I have a career I enjoy (well enjoy enough, it’s still work), a girlfriend I love. I’m even saving for a house and getting back to school. This is all thanks to him, I’ll consider him a brother for life.
He’s gay. The only person I’ve ever had step up and help me out in my life is on the all-dudes-all-the-time team. Something about that is simultaneously very logical and very sad.”
26. We are just expected to take anything thrown at us with no excuses.
“We are just expected to take anything thrown at us with no excuses. Hell, a guy at work broke his finger and finished his shift and came back the next day. Granted there are certain jobs and places this would not apply but in the real working force this is just how it is. Unless you cut off a limb you can work.”
27. No one cares about any kind of hardship that men have.
“The fact that no one cares about any kind of hardship that men have.”
28. I could be walking down the street and be getting the shit kicked out of me by a woman and people will think it’s funny.
“I could be walking down the street and be getting the shit kicked out of me by a woman and no one will bother to notice or if they do they will like as not think it’s funny. Heaven forbid I raise my voice at a woman, for whatever reason, and anyone in earshot will be ready to jump me.
To be clear I’m not saying domestic assault is in any way OK, but it should work both ways.”
29. We’re the bad one in virtually every situation.
“Being the bad guy in virtually every situation. You’re a guy, you must be evil, so you get treated as the perpetrator every fucking time, especially when a woman is making the claim against you. You can film yourself being beaten and punched in the face by a woman and the only response from authorities is ‘what did you do to provoke her reaction?’. The fact is provocation exists when women get violent, but does NOT exist if when a male is violent. It’s like having your arms tied behind your back while your wife punches and kicks the shit out of you, for fun. That’s the fundamental foundation for a healthy relationship, huh?”
30. We’re expected to ‘man up’ rather than seek help for mental issues.
“Mental health issues are the biggest one I think…….even today, males are still not really expected to seek help if they have depression or something of that kind. The traditional view is that men should always be strong, and that if they are not the just ‘man up’ or something.
And then we wonder why like a 1/3 of male population has serious problems with alcohol or drugs or whatever. In my family, a good half of my older family males died from drinking themselves to death (my grandfather alone had 3 bothers, all 3 died from alcoholism while in their 30’s). And I can suspect why.”
31. If a girl cries, it’s OK; if a guy cries, he is acting like a baby.
“If a girl cries, it’s OK; if a guy cries, he is acting like a baby/a wuss/not ‘a man.’ If a girl fails an exam because she did not have time to study, then people feel bad for her, if a guy fails an exam because he did not have time to study, people simply did not care, and expects you to take the blame for it. If a girl sees that you are skinny, she rejects you because skinny males are ‘unattractive.’ I can think of so many examples given that the list of variables are endless.”
32. Point out ANY inequality and you’re a whiner.
“Point out ANY inequality and you’re a whiner. Just imagine if there were no guaranteed custody protections for women and men could just take their child away from the mother at any time and that’s okay and she has to jump through lengthy, expensive, soul draining legal loopholes just to get one weekend a month visitation with no overnights that has to be observed in a special facility by a woman hater who wonders why you give your kid a hug?
There would be earsplitting whining of the highest order and rightly so.
Point this out as a man? ‘Man up, loser.’ ‘Should have kept in in your pants!’ ‘Shut up, deadbeat!’
Just watch, endless, silent butthurt downvotes and some number of man haters below will tell some evil lie or engage in shaming language proving my username correct.”
33. Being a second-class citizen devoid of any rights except working yourself to death.
“Being a second-class citizen devoid of any rights except working yourself to death.”
