Hello dear friend,

It has been 4 months since your life was taken from you so suddenly at the tender age of 25. It has been 18 weeks since I last saw you and heard your laugh. It has been 128 days since your mother was last able to tell you she loves you in person. It has been 3072 hours since so many lives were flipped upside down after hearing of your passing that one cold January night. Quite frankly, it’s been too long.

It’s hard to believe how fast time has passed since we last spoke. Some days I sit back and think to myself that all of this is a dream and that I will see you again – I’d give anything for that to actually happen.

Every single moment of every single day since that dreaded phone call, I search. I search for signs from you, to let me know you are with me and that you are okay. I search for anything that remotely reminds me of you.

The saying goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,” and after losing you, someone so very close to me, I can’t help but cringe at the statement. It’s painful that it took you dying for me to truly realize how much you meant to me. It took you leaving this Earth and entering a world in which I have no knowledge of to realize how great of a friend you were.

I am so sorry.

I have the deepest regret for never expressing my admiration and thankfulness for you in my life. I hope this letter shows you something.

You would give the shirt off your back if someone else needed one. You would give your last penny to someone in need because your heart was THAT big. A heart too big for a world where there is nothing but hate.

You were too good for this world.

I catch myself looking through your pictures on social media without even realizing that I’m doing it – it just happens out of habit at this point. The sound of your voice makes me smile. It is so comforting and always helps when I’m feeling a little sadder than other days. You’ve kept me laughing for over 15 years and still do even without being here physically, it’s incredible and comforting

I think back to the times you annoyed the hell out of me, but I am so thankful I caved into your radiant personality every time. Maybe it was your dorky smile or your contagious laugh or possibly your horrendous dance moves that we were all so blessed to watch every weekend. It was probably a combination of everything. Either way, I could never stay mad at you. It goes to show how awesome of a person you truly were.

I cherish every moment I was able to spend with you. And I know I am not just speaking for myself. I could honestly write forever of the memories and love I have for you but I wanted to keep this short and simple. 

Thank you for that. Thank you for being a part of my life and calling me your friend. I hope you know now how much it meant and still means to me.

Keep the signs coming, we all love them and to be honest, we need them. I may have lost a friend on this planet but I have gained the most incredible guardian angel I could have asked for.