Maybe This Is Silly, But I Believe In Us

The world says no. We’re too far apart. It’s too much, too soon. This doesn’t make sense. Impractical. I hear their words and let them roll off like raindrops on a slick surface. They don’t know.

I’ve always had faith in the impossible. Always rooted for the underdog. Always trusted in things unseen without hesitation because I could feel something real pulsing in my chest. Because sometimes life doesn’t make perfect sense, but that make it any less meaningful. Because sometimes you just know, and there’s no use trying to explain to someone who isn’t willing to understand.

And with you, with us, I just knew.

I knew when I first heard your voice. I knew when you first laughed and I could feel the giggle rising in my own chest, unconsciously. I knew when I was craving your touch before you even held my hand, when I was staring absently at my phone, waiting for it to light up with a message from you.

I knew when I started to measure my days by how long we’d talked, by the words we shared. I knew when I wanted to tell you things I hadn’t told anyone, when I found it so easy to let my fears roll of my tongue and into the safe space we created.

You made me feel alive, yet secure. Every word we shared was special, carried meaning. And before I knew what was happening, before I could pull back the reins and make us slow down, I was letting my heart speak first, not my head.

Before I knew what was happening, I was letting you into my life without fear.

And I know, in some ways, that’s silly. How could I be so foolish to trust someone so quickly? How could I know you were worthy my attention, my heart, my everything? How could I be so sure you wouldn’t hurt me?

All of these questions were shoved at me as if I had been careless. But I hadn’t been careless, just carefree. Just unafraid of you, of what we could be. And sure, you could hurt me. Sure, you could leave. Sure, we could fall apart and I’d be left with nothing.

But isn’t that the risk we willingly take in love? I was never afraid to take it with you.

There’s no way to explain it, no way to rationalize or to justify my emotions in my mind. All I know is that I care madly for you. My heart is tied to a person, a situation, and there is no making sense.

There is just believing, just trusting, just closing my eyes and stepping forward, no matter every doubt. There is shutting off my mind to the ‘rules’ of this world, to the hesitations from the people who love me.

There is just realizing that maybe I’m being crazy, but I want to be crazy with you.

I want to believe that we could make it. I want to believe that what we have is real and can challenge time and distance. I want to believe that the words we share, the moments that bloomed between us will define us and carry us forward, no matter what life throws our way.

Maybe it’s silly to chase after love when everything could go wrong. Maybe it’s silly to trust in something that the rest of the world shakes their heads at. Maybe it’s silly to put my heart into someone’s hands. But I’m not afraid.

Maybe it’s silly to believe in love, but baby, I believe in us.

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.