This Is How It Feels To Be The Girl You Only Love In Secret

She’s your dark secret, the woman whose name you scream in pleasure behind closed curtains but whose identity must not be linked with yours. She’s your silent doll, the one you take out to play only when you want to but must otherwise be kept locked in your cabinet. She’s the skeleton in your closet, whose bones you’re so afraid might be discovered one day. She is your untold story.

For everything she has done for you, for all that she has endured in your hands, you should do her a favor — you should set her free.

Because once upon a time, before you made her your dirty little secret, she was free. Her eyes shot stars; her lips confessed untamed passion. And her heart ran wild across an infinite garden bursting with dreams and hopes of true love like flowers in full bloom.
But you caught her heart in your hands and she welcomed you in when you enticed her with your charming smile and showered her with sweet gestures. You were a dream come true, a complete checklist of everything she has ever wanted in a lover. So naturally, she fell madly in love with you.

However, there’s a catch — she has to remain in the shadows, behind closed doors. You may be everything she wants, but you come with a price and a ring on your finger.

With her heart on the line, she has no other choice but to accept the situation and embrace the role of being your secret lover. Who she really is, no one in your world knows. She could be your employee, your colleague, your neighbor, your intern, your friend’s friend, your student, or even an old flame. The two of you could be moving in the same circle, living in the same world, and playing your roles well during the day, but at night, away from the eyes and ears of everyone, you call her and she comes to you, ready to give you company and comfort, even though she knows very well that she will return to being the unknown in your life when the clock strikes morning.

If you haven’t been sensitive enough all this time, then you probably haven’t realized yet the damage that you’re causing her. Being kept in the shadows by the person she loves is one of the most tragic situations she could ever experience. Even if she wants to tell the world how much you mean to her, your name just automatically dies on her tongue even before it escapes her lips because your situation has forced her to become so used to staying silent, to quieting her raging emotions in the light of day.

You are controlling her. It may have been unintentional in the beginning, but now you’ve put her in a cage and locked it with the love she has for you. You’re well aware of the power you have over her, and you use it, because you know that she will keep on giving you what you want, all the while remaining your secret, for as long as you give her bits of borrowed time.

She won’t let you go if you won’t do it first. You will just waste her time and youth, and when you grow tired of her, you will discard her like so many other secret lovers you’ve had before her. You think she’s happy with you, but what she doesn’t tell you is the emotional and mental struggle that she has to deal with on a daily basis. You have placed a huge burden on her shoulders, and yet you expect her to carry the weight silently.

Her secret with you keeps her from living her life fully; she will always have a part of her that must remain hidden from other people. She doesn’t tell you, but she always feels lonely and alone, even if she’s in a room full of her friends. You’re making her live a double life, and you’re expecting her to always strike a balance between her two lives, to be ‘mature enough’ to handle the situation. You’re slowly chipping away her self-esteem and making her question her moral principles, but she wants to keep you, so she’s willing to walk on eggshells and cross tightropes if that means you’ll stay.
You may say that it’s her choice to be with you, that it takes two to tango. Of course, she will agree on being your secret lover because this is the only way she can have you. But underneath her breathless kisses and honeyed smiles, she is slowly deteriorating and questioning herself.

Where will this lead? When will it end? How long will we be able to keep this a secret?

In her heart, she wants to be free. Yet, she is afraid of completely losing you so she pays for this relationship with her own freedom. You have to be human enough to let her go, even if you love her, and more so if you don’t.

You can’t keep her a secret forever, and you know very well, deep inside, that you won’t be with her in the end. You won’t even stand up for her when people find out; you will think of yourself first.

She doesn’t deserve to be kept a secret. She deserves a man who will be proud to show her to the world, who will say her name out loud, who will hold her hand and be with her, in the light of day, with open doors.

She should know that love, if it’s real, should not be hidden. And there’s no other person who can make her realize this but you, her secret lover.

Once upon a time, you caught her heart in your hands. Now for all the silent screams she has suppressed, for all the borders she has crossed, for all the principles and beliefs she has defied, for all the people both of you destroyed along the way in your selfish pursuit of so-called happiness, and for everything else she has endured, there’s only one humane thing you can do for her now —

Set her free.