1. You learn that everyone is good at pretending and talking until it’s time for actions. They either step up or disappear. You learn not to believe everything they say and watch how they act.

2. You learn that sometimes they act spontaneously without thinking about tomorrow. You learn that without consistency and reassurance, you have nothing. They’re not going to change.

3. You learn that the person who didn’t appreciate you is not an asshole. They just appreciate other people more. They know how to appreciate the ones they truly want.

4. You learn that questioning yourself or doubting what you could have done to make them appreciate you doesn’t really help you or change the situation. There’s nothing you could have done (more or less) that would have changed the way they saw you.

5. You learn that mixed signals or excuses don’t mean they’re confused, they know very well what they want. They just don’t want to hurt you so they stick it out for a little while longer so it doesn’t seem so abrupt.

6. Sometimes they’ll never give you the closure you deserve and you may never know the real reason why they never gave you a chance because they will always find a way to twist the truth so they don’t feel bad about themselves.

7. You learn that you have to keep your guard up, no matter how much you’re into someone, because the more they can sense that you like them, the less they’ll appreciate you. Unless it’s mutual. You both have to be equally invested.

8. You learn how to appreciate yourself. You begin to find ways to love yourself and not let one person define your value or your self-worth. It hurts to want someone who doesn’t want you but it also helps you realize that they don’t have any power over you. That you can survive on your own and even thrive.

9. You learn to trust what you can’t understand. You learn that being your best self and giving someone your all doesn’t mean that they’ll appreciate it. You learn that for the wrong person, you’ll never be enough and it’s not your fault.

10. You learn let go. Of the ones you love, of the memories, of the could have beens, of the future you planned with them. You learn that letting go means you appreciate yourself more and you’re not going to lie to yourself and settle for someone who is capable of giving you so much more but is choosing not to.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.