9 Ways To Get His Attention (And Keep It) That Have Nothing To Do With Sex
It’s been a month since you’ve laid your eyes on this handsome bachelor next door. So, what is your next step?
Unfortunately, love potions don’t work. Hypnosis doesn’t work either. And don’t make me start on those revealing outfits that are close to naked.
If you want to turn a person on, relying on mere good looks isn’t enough. “It’s not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles,” says psychologist Dr. Monica Moore at Webster University in St. Louis.
You have to do the work honey, but if you have to flirt, do it intelligently. Backed by science, here are nine intelligent ways a brilliant woman can get a man’s attention without showing off much skin.
1. She goes in for some eye contact
As we all know, eye contact is a very important part of dating and relating. A fixed gaze tells the person that you’re interested in him. But are you aware that eye contact can make someone even more attracted to you than they would have been? And there’s a significant study that can back it up.
The study “Looking and loving: The effects of mutual gaze on feelings of romantic love” (Kellerman, Lewis, & Lairdex, 1989) examined the link between eye contact and increased feelings of passionate love. The study found that a mutual, unbroken gaze for two minutes with a stranger leads to increased feelings of romantic love. Interesting, isn’t it?
2. She uses the “hard-to-get” strategy sometimes
We’re always thrilled to chase the things we can’t have, aren’t we? Well, the same idea may apply to flirting – playing hard to get and making yourself appear to be a “scarce resource” worth having while maintaining your interest can be a great strategy. However, you have to set some limitations for it can backfire on you.
So when does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction?
Researchers Dai, Dong, and Jia (2014) investigated the question using a speed dating experiment and found that engaged and easy-to-get women were seen as positive and likable while hard-to-get and detached women sparked more interest and desire. However, playing hard to get only works when someone is already (at least a little) interested in you. If they are uncertain and not really interested, it might be better to have an engaging and direct approach.
3. She’s straightforward
The cute and cheesy pick-up lines are great if you have the intention of making someone laugh. But if you want to grab someone’s attention, it’s best to be as direct and genuine as possible.
The study called “Women’s direct opening lines are perceived as most effective” (Wade, Butrie, & Hoffman, 2009) found men believe that the most effective form of a chat-up line from a woman is a direct one. Whether we admit it or not, most women are difficult to comprehend. So men appreciate women who can clearly communicate what they want.
4. She knows that a sexy voice is more attractive than a pretty face
Turning on the soothing and sexy voice does help. Men, especially in their deep and husky morning voices, can make our blood rushing. Nonetheless, in terms of manipulating voices, men aren’t that great compared to women.
When we say “sexy voice”, women channel their inner Scarlett Johansson and drop their voices with a dash of breathlessness and hoarseness to seduce men. However, studies show that men tend to prefer women with higher-pitched voices, which are associated with high levels of estrogen.
Aside from sexy voices, the way we talk and the content of what we’re talking about affect attraction. Speech that ends up being awkwardly pushed out of our mouths is the last thing other people want to hear.
5. She knows her angles
Scientists at the University of Newcastle in Australia found that women are at their most captivating when they angle their head forward, making them glance slightly upwards. They explain that the particular angle makes women look more feminine and therefore more attractive to men.
In contrast, men tend to look more masculine and charming when they tilt their head back, looking slightly down their nose.
6. Red is her favorite color
Red is the color of love, psychologists agree. Red dress, red shoes, and red lips – all these stimulate attraction because the color red triggers a basic response in humans as a signal of sexuality and fertility. The color may send a subliminal message of sexual interest so be mindful of what you wear.
A study entitled “Red and romantic behavior in men viewing women” (Kayser, Elliot, & Feltman, 2010) found that women wearing red clothing were seen as more enticing and sought-after by men. Aside from wearing red clothing, wearing bright red hue for the lips also affects romantic attraction.
7. She knows how to drive a man crazy with her scent
Have you ever been attracted to a man right after sniffing the scent of his perfume? Well, men get the same feeling toward alluring scents, but it doesn’t mean you’ll go for expensive eau de toilette.
Certain perfume scents drive men crazy. According to Dr. Alan Hirsch of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, some of the biggest turn-ons are sweet scents like fresh mandarin and orange, pumpkin pie (especially when mixed with lavender), and vanilla. Soft fragrances of lily of the valley, lavender, spicier scents like white woods also attract them though they aren’t turned on by strong floral scents.
Dr. Hirsch added that there’s that one scent all men don’t want you to wear – the scent of their ex-girlfriends.
8. She never underestimates the power of touch
When it comes to expressing your interest with touch, women have the advantage. Women can do these without being creepy while men still need to play it cool.
According to Jeremy Nicholson of Psychology Today, you should find an excuse to touch the guy you’re attracted to. Start gradually with friendly, socially-touching, which might include hugging them as a greeting, sitting next to them (with shoulders or thighs touching), patting them on their shoulders to get attention, or holding their hand or elbow when taking them to another location. All these have an influence on attraction.
9. She has a great sense of humor
Nothing is sexier than a person who has the natural ability to make us laugh. The sense of humor has the power to attract people, to promote rapport and trust, and to give a rush of blood to all the right places.
Many studies have shown that a sense of humor is sexually attracting to men and women – but not in the same way. The article Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible published in TIME concluded that women like men who make them laugh while men like women who laugh at their jokes. So if you’re interested in someone, try to chuckle a bit more at his jokes even if you don’t really find them funny. 