If You Leave, Don’t Come Back

If you were to leave, don’t try to be gentle about it. Don’t pity me. Don’t treat me like a charity case. Don’t look so tortured like you are the one hurting. Don’t act as through you are doing me a favor.

There’s nothing good about this.

Your kind words ring hollow and false. You string me along letting me think there’s hope when there isn’t. And when you finally can’t take it anymore, you proceed to tell me how I don’t mean anything to you.

Your voice colder than the winter wind, your eyes are as hard as ice, and your words have devastated me, like a tornado had just uprooted my life.

If you were to leave, don’t try to be my friend. Don’t try to downplay our ending. Don’t try to make light of my pain. Don’t try to taint my impression of you. Don’t try to ruin everything we had.

How can I be your friend when every beat of my heart yearns for you?

When every ‘I love you’ I want to utter is to you. When I know that some day you will find love and is not with me. When all I can do is watch helplessly as you fall in love with her and try hard not to be stung by this relentless wave of unfairness and resentment. When I look at you and you are all I want and everything I cannot have.

If you were to leave, don’t ever come back. Because when it comes to you, I don’t know how to give up. I cannot and will not give up. Especially if I think there is a glimmer of hope for us. A glimpse of us together. A shot in the darkness you love me back.

That’s why I cannot close the chapter of our ending if you are still lingering in my life wanting to salvage your guilt. I cannot look forward when the presence of you block my vision to the future.

I cannot stop loving you if you show me remnants of how you still do. I cannot move on in my life until your absence shows me there’s nothing stopping me.

If you were to leave, do it as honest as you can. Don’t sugarcoat your words. Don’t bother trying to ease me into a life without you. Don’t tell me you are helping me to get used to a life devoid of you. Don’t apologize how you wish things were different when all you want is to be freed from me.

And don’t think I cannot do without you.

For like the phoenix, I will rise again. Like the wind, you cannot contain me. Like the ocean, I will continue to flourish.
Like the wild spirit I am, I will love again. Only this time, it won’t be you.