What is your biggest dream?

This can be realistic, or far-fetched; it can be your biggest desire, or a small inkling, but when you think about what you want for your life, what is the ideal, the goal, the place that you’re heading towards? If you know what you desire, it helps you to find someone whose dreams align with yours, or who will support you as you venture out in the pursuit of them.

What makes you happy?

What brings a smile to your face, even on your darkest days? What makes you laugh, makes you feel warm inside, makes you forget all your worries and see the world anew? What do you like to do? To listen to? To eat? To doodle? To sing? Who do you like to talk to, or be around? What helps you cleanse you, help you restart and see the world in a positive light?

What do you believe?

Maybe in a religious sense, maybe not, but when it comes down to it, what do you feel so deeply in your heart is true? What do you rely on? When you feel defeated and lost, who or what do you turn to? Even in the crazy parts of the world, what do you put your faith in?

What do you fear?

No one likes to talk about this, but it’s at the core of who we are as flawed, imperfect humans: fear. What do you fear? What makes you shake with terror? What gives you an ache in the pit of your stomach when you think about its possibility? This can be small or big, but knowing your deepest fears allows you to be vulnerable with another person, which is essential in building love.

What keeps you up at night?

When it’s late and you’ve turned out all the lights and you’re staring at the ceiling in the pitch black darkness, what do you think about? What turns and twists through your mind? Is it happy thoughts, fearful thoughts, contemplative? When you see yourself and your place in the world, where do you fit? What are those 3AM ponderings that you don’t tell anyone, but are begging to be shared? Those are the thoughts you’ll unveil when you fall in love.

Who are you?

If someone stood in front of you and asked that question, could you answer it? Of course you’ll always be changing, growing, shifting, becoming—but if someone asked you to define yourself, could you? Do you have a sense of what you stand for, of what you’d fight for, of what you’re passionate about, of how you feel, of your sense of self?

Know yourself, love yourself, and you can learn to love someone that way, too.