1.

I Came Across An Old Photo Of Us.

My whole soul hurts
like the way I feel after a run
legs heavy, filled with lead
dragging behind my body
longing
to remember what it feels like to be normal
to be whole
to be weightless.

---

2.

Missing Him.

I wonder if his mind is doing the same
somersaults through the folds, the crevices,
the empty spaces of his memories
searching
for me.

---

3.

Hopeful.

He told me he loved me
in a text message last night,
blinking white and striking
on my phone screen.

But then I rolled over
opened my eyes
and realized
it was just a dream.

---

4.

I Tried To Tell Him Not To Leave.

When we ended things
I tried to tell him no,
tried to tell him this was a huge mistake
and that I was sorry
for all the things I shouldn’t be sorry for.

I tried to tell him I love you,
but the worlds rolled around in my mouth like marbles
strange, foreign, heavy.
And he walked away
to the sound of my silence.

---

5.

Closure.

I cannot change what has happened
cannot erase or rewrite the past
cannot fix what has been unraveled.
I keep running in circles
searching for answers.
But some answers
I’ll never find.

---

6.

Moving On.

Moving on feels likes diving into cool water
striking, numbing, but refreshing.
I find myself struggling to swim
gasping
as your voice, our memories
flood my mind.

Some days I’m slipping, drowning.
But today I will surface,
keep my head above water
and float.

---

7.

I’m Not Good At Letting Go.

I’m not good at letting go.
I’ve always been the girl that holds
tightly to what she fears losing.
Like a child with a toy clutched
between her fingertips,
I can’t bear to say goodbye.

But letting go of you
was like nothing else.
It was like watching a balloon
float into the sky and knowing
you’ll never get it back.

---

8.

Maybe We Were Nothing.

I think what scares me the most
is the terrifying realization
that maybe we weren’t
what I thought we were
that maybe you weren’t
who I thought you were
that maybe this wasn’t
love at all.

---

9.

This I Know.

Maybe after all this time
we’ve found our different rhythms
and I can’t blame you for that.
We are two different people,
two different dreams.
But I know that under the layers
we’ll always be connected.
And when you see those stars,
the same stars I’m wishing on
miles and miles away,
you’ll know that distance
can never separate
two intertwined hearts.

---

10.

Now It All Makes Sense.

I see where we went wrong.
Our hearts were all in
but not our minds.
Not my mind
even when I try
to convince myself.

---

11.

Maybe It’s Just That Simple.

You were my love
but not my forever.

---

12.

I’m Learning To Say Goodbye.

It aches. It all aches.
Opening my eyes, stretching
across the empty bed, breathing
in air without your body next to mine.

But I am whole without you,
always have been.

Goodbyes are never permanent
even though this one weighs down
on my heart, my mind, my soul.
I’m sure I’ll see you
in this life or the next.

And until then, remember your worth
and I will remember mine.

I am strong without you,
always have been.