I Miss Having Someone To Miss

I miss having someone to kiss goodbye to in the morning before we head our different directions to start the day. I miss having someone to send embarrassingly cute and corny texts to throughout the day because they’re the only person that’s on your mind.

I miss being excited to have someone drive to my house and pick me up for a date. I miss singing along in the car with someone and belting out the chorus together. I miss having someone to lie in bed with and talk when one of us has had a shitty day.

But more than anything, I miss having someone to miss.

I miss pulling someone a little closer when they’re about to pull away from a hug because you don’t want to let them go.

I miss spending a night together after sleeping alone for a week and feeling so safe and at home with him that nothing could ruin your mood. I miss counting down the days until you could see each other again.

I miss hearing, “I miss you, too” from someone and knowing they actually miss me.

I miss having someone who actually gave a shit about me. Someone who asked me how my day was, someone who knew I was lying when I said everything was fine, but had tears building in my eyes. I miss someone just being there more than anything. Someone to sit next to me and tell me we can get through this crazy life, together.

I have no interest in someone being half there, I don’t want someone who is half there and that’s all I get these days. Someone who is half there, half invested, but never fully, not incase someone better comes along then he can take his leg out of my life and run full sprint ahead into someone else’s life.

That isn’t the kind of love I’m interested in.

I don’t want the half-assed love, the love that is born out of convenience, I’ve done it before and I hate it. And there are times I might miss having you around, but the missing is only temporary because you didn’t have that much of an impact on my life.

Your memories won’t linger in my head like a bad whiff of perfume, like the ones who truly loved me.

Thoughts of you will pass; they’ll come and go like ripping off a Band-Aid, quick and only with a little bit sting.

I miss having someone to miss, someone who is head over heels for me, someone who is a little wild and crazy for me because that’s how I am.

When I fall, I fall hard. I can’t control my feet and I get all tripped up. I tangle and I fall, and the harder I fall the harder it is to get up. And I haven’t fallen in a long while. These days my feet are doing a pretty good job of keeping their balance, but I also wouldn’t mind falling again sometime soon because more than anything, I miss having someone to miss.