34 Ways Your Girlfriend Is Micro-Cheating (And Totally Getting Away With It)
Holding a stranger’s gaze for longer than usual, hoping to distract him with thoughts of her naked body until he trips or falls—otherwise known as “eye fucking.”
Author’s Note: The purpose of this article was always to entertain. It is satire, written in jest because I found the whole “micro-cheating” phenomenon to be totally absurd when it started trending years ago.
1. Leaving the house looking especially hot right after a fight just to emphasize how much her significant other has to lose if he doesn’t clean up his act and apologize stat.
2. Holding a stranger’s gaze for longer than usual, hoping to distract him with thoughts of her naked body until he trips or falls—otherwise known as “eye fucking.”
3. Wearing her flirtiest skirt or dress to impress a guy she knows she’s going to run into at some point during the school day or at work.
4. Dressing super sexy on a totally random morning specifically because she feels like being elevator-eyed and/or catcalled.
5. Smiling coquettishly when she catches a dude checking her out, as if to say “maybe.”
6. Winking and/or smirking suggestively at a man who catches her checking him out, even if she has no intention of approaching him or taking things any further.
7. Claiming she’s totally okay with her boyfriend going to strip clubs while conversing with another man just to seem chiller than she actually is. (Meanwhile, she’s got her boyfriend on such a tight leash back home, he knows if he’s caught ‘motorboating’ a stripper she’ll leave his ass in a heartbeat.)
8. Encouraging a man to vent about his wife or girlfriend and validating every single one of his complaints along the way, subtly encouraging him to wonder why he’s not with her instead.
9. Letting a guy she interacts with ever so briefly on the bus or in an elevator believe that he’s got a shot for a few precious seconds before getting on with her day.
10. Giving her contact information out to a random guy who hits on her, even if she never intends on texting him back, just to see if he’ll reach out.
11. Bending over at just the right moment, fully aware that some dude’s hoping to get a glimpse of her ass.
12. Leaning forward at just the right moment, fully aware that some dude’s thirsting to grope her breasts and that the glimpse of a little boob flesh will get him rock hard.
13. Pretending to be dumb to the fact that her nipples are hard AF and pointing right through her top.
14. Telling a male colleague or classmate about a particularly sexy dream she had the night before just to remind him that she’s a naughty little forest nymph deep down.
15. Prancing rather than walking.
16. Taking way longer than usual to put her hair up into a ponytail because she knows she has an audience. She can feel some guy undressing her with his eyes as she maneuvers—and she likes it.
17. Getting in touch with an ex just to say “hi” or “hey there” because she could use the ego boost that comes with feeling wanted by more than one man simultaneously.
18. Telling a male friend an especially dirty joke, realizing that the punchline might just give him an erection.
19. Making a not-so-innocent comment about “balls” or “nuts” that’s distinctly designed to provoke a guy who’s not her boyfriend.
20. Going out of her way to compliment a guy she knows or encounters regularly on his new haircut or new shirt just to prove she’s paying attention.
21. Stretching post workout directly in a male onlooker’s line of sight, as if she’s a former dancer who’s very dedicated to her flexibility or something.
22. Taking her shirt off mid workout instead of starting off in just a sports bra so she can put on a little strip show at the gym for anyone watching.
23. Booty shorts.
24. Laughing her face off at something that’s not at all funny because convincing a man that he’s hilarious is the most effective way to flirt, obviously.
25. Worse yet, giggling.
26. Making physical contact with another guy when it’s totally unnecessary—that surprisingly tender push or shove specifically designed to amplify feigned exasperation or exaggerated amusement.
27. Offering to rub another man’s shoulders or his back instinctively when he complains about being a little sore.
28. Announcing that she has a boyfriend and then flirting like crazy anyway, as if advertising what a carefree, do-what-she-wants kind of lady she is but also that she’s hot enough to be taken already so the new dude will have to work for it.
29. Addressing a man by his name unexpectedly (e.g. “Hey, Doug” instead of just “Hey”), which breeds a strangely powerful sense of intimacy.
30. Addressing a man by his full name instead of the nickname he goes by (e.g. “Hello, Douglas”), which is secretly one of the most subtle but impactful ways to flirt.
31. Licking her lips more sensually than necessary when eating something sticky because she knows she’s being watched by a random guy.
32. Devouring a popsicle in public in such a way that any man who notices will automatically imagine her giving them a blowjob.
33. Asking another man what he thinks about porn or some racy film under the guise of actually caring about his opinion when all she wants is to arouse him a little just for kicks.
34. Sending texts to a guy that are laced with more emojis than she typically uses when communicating with her besties. 