1. no periods—period!

“Really jealous of not having to deal with periods. They can just sleep naked every night and not worry about staining anything and they don’t have to deal with the extremes of the hormonal cycle that we go through.”

2. pockets

“Clothes with functioning pockets.”

3. muscles

“I envy that a man about my size and fitness would still be so much stronger than I am.”

4. beards

“I really like beards. I’d braid mine and make weird designs with it…if I had one.”

5. having a dick

“Having a dick. I’m super-jealous.”

6. the helicopter trick

“They can do the helicopter thing with their manly parts.”

7. low cosmetic overhead

“Not having to spend money on make-up, tampons, and hair products.”

8. low hygienic maintenance

“Being able to just hop in the shower, and hop out and you’re done. If I let my hair air dry, it will still be wet at bedtime. If I blow dry it, it’s going to take 20 minutes and be a frizzy hot mess, so I have to flat iron it, which takes another 20 minutes.”

9. getting taken seriously

“They get taken seriously. Anger isn’t brushed off as ‘hormonal’ or ‘being a bitch.’ They can like geeky things without being accused of being a poser. They can go out alone at night without the fear of being assaulted. And they’re not chastised for doing so.”

10. no glass ceiling

“No glass ceiling for men. They’re expected by default to be leadership material.”

11. pubes

“Why am I expected to shave my downstairs bits when men rarely bother? That shit itches growing back! You should have to suffer too! As for all the employment discrimination stuff I’m middle class and white so it rarely affects me although I do currently have a boss that’s massively stuck in the 50s and the tasks he gives me compared to my male college use (same roles, same starting date) are completely different which is ridiculous and we often have to swap tasks.”

12. a purse-free existence

“I really hate having to carry purses around. I like men’s baggy clothing with lots of pockets. If it’s winter and I have a hooded sweatshirt or a coat on I’ll just stick things in my pockets and go without a purse. Very unfeminine, but whatever.”

13. peeing with a dick

“Peeing with a dick seems more fun.”

14. peeing while standing

“I want to pee while standing.”

15. peeing with your pants on

“A penis for the utility of peeing while keeping your pants on. Never hath the flesh on my ass crawled like it does when it comes into contact with a cold toilet seat.”

16. peeing in the snow

“I want to be able to pee my name into snow. Also, I don’t want periods or to be constantly low-level worried that I’m pregnant.”

17. peeing anywhere

“The ability to pee practically anywhere without doing some sort of weird squat angle so you don’t piss yourself. Must be nice!”

18. high sex drive

“Being able to get turned on by fresh air. I love my husband, but twice a week is plenty for me. Plus he doesn’t have the ag of having to worry about the post-hump cleanup and subsequent 12-hour drip, and the threat of a UTI if you don’t have a good pee afterwards. Lucky.”