What Your Boyfriend Actually Wants, But Will Never Ask For

He wants to be someone you’re proud of. He wants you to brag to your friends about him, gush to your parents about him, take the numerous painstaking pictures that result in just one you can post, because he wants the world to know that he’s with you. He wants you to slip your hand inside of his while you’re walking down the street, as a simple, territorial claim. He wants to be the guy who you openly can’t get enough of, because he cannot get enough of you.

He wants you to take him at his word. He wants you to know that “I love you” today means I love you tomorrow and I’ll love you the day after that, even if he doesn’t always say it aloud. He wants you to know that the way he feels about you isn’t impacted by the tiny annoyances and the petty arguments and either of your foul moods on the bad days. He wants you to know that his affection and adoration for you are pervasive and you shouldn’t have to question that – ever.

He wants you to act like he’s the very first guy. Not the first guy you’ve been with or loved – you have a past and he respects you for that. It’s part of what makes you yourself. But he wants to feel like he is the first guy you’ve ever looked at in the specific way you look at him. Like he’s the first one who’s ever lit your world on fire. Like he’s the first guy you’ve ever seen a future with in the exact way you see a future with him, because you’re the first girl he’s ever felt like this about. The way feels to be with you is brand new to him, even though he’s had other girlfriends, and he hopes that it’s new to you too.

You are what he wants to spend his money and time and his effort on. He wants to whisk you away on vacation, to take you out to a nice dinner, to watch your face explode into a grin when he comes home with a surprise that you were never expecting. He wants to be the thing that lights up your world because you’re the thing that lights up his.

He wants you to know he’s not infallible. He doesn’t want to tell you – that he’s not always brave or decisive or sure, but he wants you to quietly know. To pick up on the moments when his face falls or his voice quivers or he heads straight to the den when he gets home. He wants you to understand that sometimes he’s avoiding you not because he’s upset at you but because he is disappointed in himself – for not being strong enough and capable enough and successful enough to provide you with all you deserve. He wants to be your hero but he wants you to know that he won’t be able to be that 100% of the time. And he wants that to be okay. He wants you to know that it’s never going to stop him from trying.

He wants you to be patient with him. Your determination and your certainty and your confidence in the arena of love are what he adores about you most and yet sometimes he needs to take it slow. He wants you to know that to him, love forms quietly – in the moments when you laugh unexpectedly, on the mornings when your smile brightens the room, in the moments when you’re falling asleep and your breath steadies out and slows down – and he knows that you feel safe inside his arms. He needs you to know that relationships aren’t something he dives into headfirst because he wants it all to matter in a real way. He wants to build something that’s going to last with you. He wants you to know that you shouldn’t worry about where the two of you stand because if he can swing it right, you’ll have the rest of your lives to keep on falling in love with each other.

And he wants you to trust him on it all. Because what he’s actually most afraid to tell you is that even this early in the game, he already knows that he doesn’t plan on letting you go.