Welcome To The Generation Of Fuckbois

Urban dictionary kindly defines a fuckboi as: “A guy who tries to get with everyone. A player. A guy who will lie to a girl to make them hook up with them or send pics. They think they are the shit when they aren’t. A guy who will only date a girl for their body. A total ass. A guy that will make a girl cry and laugh, and a guy who lies when they said I love you.”

They’re practically a new species. How fascinating!

So ladies, men, animals, aliens, I have a question. Have you ever encountered a fuckboi? I know I have and it seems that this type of behavior is considered the new romance of our generation. I mean, how could you not have butterflies in your stomach when the guy you’ve been talking to follows his good morning text with an inquiry to see your boobs? Delightful.

Speaking as a single woman, it’s already hard enough to find a promising suitor within the selection of decent men around me, then the world had to go and throw all of these fuckbois into the mix. The future of my love life is looking pretty grim as of late. After numerous tinder dates (fails), flirtatious drinks with that brooding stranger at the bar (a self absorbed fuckboi) and being in a loving relationship for just shy of a year with an amazing man (a 16-year-old fuckboi trapped in the body of a 20-something who was in love with his ex-girlfriend) you’d think that I would be in a comfy and loving place right now. Just my man, my puppy and I in our cute little Urban Outfitters furnished apartment.

This is quite obviously not the case. Now that you know my current situation (Noo, I’m not bitter…) I called upon a few girlfriends of mine to testify to the fact that this generation has lost hope for true romance and that fuckbois are taking over the world. Let’s take, for instance, my best friend of five years. Let’s call her Heidi. This girl looks like she casually stepped off of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show runway. She’s as funny as popular comedian Aziz Ansari, as sweet as Betty Crocker, yet still SOMEHOW gets fucked over by these men. Sorry…these BOYS.

When I finally asked her why she harbors such excitement for these guys who have such puke-worthy traits her response was: “Most of the time when I start talking to a guy now it’s a total fuckboi mentality and I’m completely aware of it from pretty much the beginning. Like yeah, this is probably gonna go to shit. Even knowing that, I still go for them because honestly, I can’t seem to find a decent guy anywhere I look and sometimes I feel like this is going to be the best I’m going to get.”

There you have it folks. If Miss Heidi Klum look-alike can’t get a date with a decent man, then rest of us are doomed to a lifelong text messages going nowhere with a fuckboi.

As for victim number two, another gorgeous gem with a strong personality who could turn a man to stone with her sarcasm and no bullshit attitude, my friend that we will refer to as Adriana. When asking her about her fuckboi experiences and expecting to hear nothing short of, “No, he looked at me the wrong way so I pushed him off a cliff” I was surprised by her paradoxical response.

“ This guy I’m talking to only texts me on Snapchat which seems like he’s trying to hide the conversations from a girlfriend or something lol. And he always asks to see my boobs. #Romance2k15. Sad thing is, I still talk to him because he’s the hottest person I’ve ever met in my life.”

Evaluating my own struggles, listening to my friends struggles and even scouring the internet for magic solutions to fuckboi-syndrome, I’m still sitting here stuck with this theory.

I’m going to be single for a while, huh?

While my roomie (who just celebrated her five year anniversary with her boyfriend) listens to me complain and pity myself, assuring me that I will find love and that I’m going to end up with such a hot boyfriend, I still cant shake the feeling that it isn’t going to happen any time soon. It’s the fuckboi mentality because, let me reiterate, this is generation fuckboi.

I wish there was a magically ecstatic ending to this theory but honestly, it’s more of a Public Service Announcement.

Please fuckbois, stop being so fuckboi-ish and give us true believers of (real) romance a fair chance to shine. We want to love you and we know that deep down you want to be loved back!

Now, on a more positive note, I’m off to tell Kevin that I will not longer be accepting his formally gestured dick pics!