When You Realize He Never Really Loved You
“We were, and then we weren’t. Sometimes people fall asleep in love and wake up empty. Sometimes people fall asleep and don’t wake up at all. It hurts until one day it doesn’t; and you always don’t feel it at first, but when you feel it, oh god do you feel it.” -Quoted
We have always heard stories of how people change within a short time, but never thought the person close to us would ever change. Here’s an experience that changed my life for the good, for the greater good.
I fell in love with a man who never loved me, and now when I think of it calmly I was just a rebound post his ex, and the 7 years were dragged because I was in love with him and no matter what he said or did, I came back. He said he did love me, but now I know better when all the dots connect to me. I was in a one sided relationship for all these 7 years. Love, after all does not work that way, and such is the pain of unrequited love. I was a fool to see the truth; rather I was made a fool of with his lie and fake promises to which I fell head over heels.
The man I fell in love was child like, and I don’t know what made me fall in love with him, it was probably just HIM. It wasn’t some sort of crush that would die within weeks or years. I was in love, so much that no matter how many flaws I saw in him, deep inside my heart I longed for his touch, prayed for him whenever I did pray for myself, and when we came face to face I would burst out smiling inside, but managed to look angry on face; but all I wanted was to be with him. However, the sad part was he never loved me back; he was attracted to the fact of being in love. Sure he said love you, he can’t without me, but they were words to him, and for me they were promises of a dreamy future.
Well yes, love is complicated, and it takes two people to form an attraction for one another. I have now come to realize that there is more to love than just pining for someone who was never yours, at least not wholeheartedly.
I think he knew. And if I’m honest with myself, I knew it too. I knew he didn’t love me. But I let myself fall for him anyway. I told it this would happen while we were in college. I saw it, and yet I did not refrain myself from being drawn to him. Why I did, I have no answer. My brain tells me that you don’t love me. But my heart and my brain differ to agree, because that heart just doesn’t get it. My heart was an idiot is all I can say now.
However, life won’t end for me here, everything and everyone comes with an expiry date. The moment he left, my life has turned into a dream that I had for myself, but somehow I’d forgot all about it because I made him my world. Now, I would thank him, to make me see the real me, and realize my goals that I once had. But, this won’t absolve him for his karmas. I wish someday, someplace he would realize that he let go a gem of a person, while running behind beauty that was short-lived. As for me, life couldn’t have been better, I have finally found myself and my luck back. 