1. You know that the “Marin Bubble” is a real thing
2. Winter outfit = Northface, Lulu, Uggs
3. You’ve never seen a homeless person
4. You spend $100 on Lulu pants because “it is SO worth it”
5. You know what Sol Food is, but do not know what soul food is
6. Novato is considered the ghetto
7. You got a car for your 16th birthday
8. You brag about drinking wine with your parents
9. You hike up ring mountain
10. You tell people you’re from San Francisco even though you’re from Marin
11. When you get to college you exploit Marin’s beauty for the Insta likes
12. Your friends without cars are poor
13. You can count the black people in your high school on one hand
14. You sit in the Bon Air parking lot when there’s nothing to do
15. You’ve been to the Pride parade but have never actually watched the Pride parade
16. You go to Mags for the sole purpose of seeing people you know and not getting froyo
17. Your house is gated
18. You call your parents by their first names behind their backs
19. You make fun of Marin Moms even though your mom is one
20. You say hella and talk about In ‘n’ Out just to seem more “Cali”
21. You’ve never taken the BART
22. You have one token minority friend and no more
23. You have never taken a final without Adderall
24. You got diagnosed with ADD just by complaining that you have trouble paying attention
25. You paid more for a college application counselor than you will for college tuition
26. You’re a member of the Bay Club (NOT the one in Ross Valley)
27. You call your mansion in Tahoe a “cabin”
28. You call Tahoe “T-hoe”
29. You paid someone else to take your SAT for you
30. You did your community service with the National Charity League
31. You started a club for the sole purpose of putting it on your college application
32. You played a sport for the sole purpose of putting it on your college application
33. You rowed crew at some point
34. You’ve bragged about how good Marin’s crew team is
35. If you didn’t row, you constantly complain about the colleges they get into
36. If you did row, you went to an Ivy
37. Both your parents are either investment bankers or lawyers
38. You’re a legacy at an Ivy and/or Stanford
39. The best day of your life was when Larkspur was #blessed with Soul Cycle Marin
40. You have a very heated opinion on the Starbucks/Peet’s debate but don’t know what Coffee Bean is
41. You have a profile picture including the Golden Gate Bridge
42. She’s not your best friend unless you’ve called her your main betch
43. You only love the Giants when they’re winning
44. You skipped school for the Giants parade
45. You know how to tell if someone is from Tiburon, Corte Madera, or Ross at first glance
46. You smelled like Abercrombie in middle school
47. You’ve gotten/given head at the headlands
48. You hate Republicans even though most of your wealth is thanks to Republican policies
49. If you are Republican, it’s either a huge secret or you won’t shut up about it
50. You’ve made fun of Redwood football/Redwood cheerleading at least once
51. You’re not sure what the Canal District is
52. You started playing volleyball to wear the spandex
53. You’ve gotten ticketed on Doherty Drive
54. You know who Officer Patty is, and if you’re more elite, you know who Officer Bob is
55. You’ve driven back and forth between Town Center and the Village multiple times in one day
56. You spend way too much time arguing whether Town Center or the Village is better
57. You always have the newest version of the iPhone
58. You judge people by what middle school they went to
59. You feel possessive over Woodlands Market if you live in Kentfield or Ross
60. Your mom only shops at Woodlands or Whole Foods
61. You take DDing seriously
62. Coming out of the closet is not a big deal at all
63. You consider a sparkly bra and extra small spandex to be clothing
64. You still call the Marin Country Mart “Larkspur Landing”
65. You only go to Fairfax on the way to the Meadow Club
66. If you’re a girl, you have subsisted solely on Comforts’ salad for a month
67. You try to find obscure places in San Francisco for the street cred
68. Your dog has his/her own Facebook page
69. You never pick up your dog’s shit
70. You always talk about how #grateful and #blessed you are to live in #Marin
71. You take weird pride in the rankings that showcase Marin’s wealth
72. You make fun of COM, but probably will end up going to COM
73. You can’t explain your dad’s job description
74. Your mom doesn’t have a job description
75. You know someone who considers herself to be a model although she probably isn’t one
76. You consider driving high to be pretty much the same as driving sober
77. Summer means Stinson
78. You’re still upset about Denny’s closing
79. Or Denny’s closing has zero effect on your life going forward
80. Your mom can’t make you dinner on Thursday because she has Book Club
81. Your parents spend their Sundays at farmers’ markets
82. You constantly talk about your mountain lion sightings at Phoenix Lake even though they were probably just dogs
83. You tell everyone you know outside of Marin that 4/20 started at San Rafael
84. Your prom dress was probably just a sundress
85. You’re obsessed with your horse
86. You get offended when people say horseback riding isn’t a sport
87. You know what “BMW” really stands for
88. Tesla sightings are a non-event
89. Your parents go to wine tastings in Napa at least once a month
90. You’ve run into one of your teachers at the Silver Peso
91. You have a pool and a hot tub
92. You think getting paid $15 per hour to babysit is normal
93. Your family only eats organic
94. You feel peer pressure to be a gluten-free vegan
95. You’ve lied about being gluten-intolerant so you can carry out your eating disorder without judgment
96. The best thing you got out of your service trip to Kenya was a profile picture
97. You spend your summers in Europe
98. You constantly talk about how much you love NYC and want to live there someday
99. You hang out with celebrities’ children and it’s not a big deal
100. “Ski week” is taken literally
101. You always talk about Marin’s beautiful trails even though you’ve only hiked two of them
102. You’ve shoplifted multiple times even though you have absolutely no financial reason to
103. You would never consider hiking without a camera or an Instagram
104. Facebook’s “bathroom wall” app really hit you hard in middle school
105. You had a Formspring during your freshman year of high school
106. You’re confused about how the Sears in Northgate stays in business
107. Number 106 was the first time you were made aware of the Sears in Northgate
108. Your artsy friends always go to movies at The Rafael theater
109. You would never consider buying non-Ray Bans unless they were significantly more expensive
110. “Getting lunch” is the only thing you think there is to do in Marin
111. You get scared when you have to drive through Richmond
112. In ‘n’ Out is the only place you know that stays open past 9:30 PM
113. Despite it all, you cannot imagine living anywhere else