The Inner Monologue Of Going For A Run
If there’s one thing all runners love to talk about, it’s running. More specifically, their running: mileage, speed, routes, and especially the plentiful benefits of the activity. I should know, as I run cross-country and never stop talking about all that crap. I mean can you blame us runners, chugging our disintegrating bodies along for far too long and trying really hard not to twist the other knee? What a lot of us seem to use as a defense mechanism to the endless queries into why we would willingly put our bodies through the pain of running is that “running helps us sort out our thoughts.” Have I said this? Guilty. Do I think that it’s mostly bullshit? Guilty again.
Yesterday, I went on a run and decided to log my thoughts both during and after my run to really see what types of thoughts cross my mind while I’m out on a run. I ran 4 miles, while simultaneously remembering anything I thought about during the distance.
YES! I LOVE TO RUN!
THIS SONG IS MY JAAAAAM!
Wow, this is really hard.
Alright, onto the trail. Let’s do it.
Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In….
I really don’t like this song.
Do I not like it enough to change it?
The Runkeeper lady just told me I’m at 1 mile.
I am KICKING ASS on this run.
That Runkeeper lady is so pleasant sounding.
I wonder if she’s actually nice in real life.
Woo, I finally got my stride. Smooth sailing from here on out!
OMG was that a bird?
My arms hurt.
I hate running.
Just passed some slow girl. Yesss, I am faster!
Did my keys just fall out of my pocket?
Nope. I’m good. Phew.
My teeth are crooked.
This mile seems to be taking a really long time….
Ugh, that Runkeeper lady is such a bitch.
I know my mile time is slower than last. I don’t need the reminder.
Did I have homework due today?
Wait… DID I???????
Ugh, I’m tired.
I’ve been listening to the same song for 20 minutes.
Whatever, it’s good.
IIIIIIII’VE BECOME SO NUMB, I CAN’T FEEL YOU THERE.
Linkin Park is so good. Why aren’t they popular anymore?
I’m sweating profusely.
I should really start saving more money.
Maybe I should get another bank account.
How old do I have to be for a 401K?
SHIN SPLINTS.
I wish I were in my bed.
Okay, but why do my arms hurt so much?
My shoulders are killing me.
I wish I could eat a steak for dinner.
I’m so hungry.
I’ll ask someone to go out to dinner with me tonight.
I don’t think Eddie Murphy is funny.
Do other people think he is?
Everything hurts.
I should have stretched more.
Only .4 miles to go.
I CAN DO THIS!
I’m gonna make a fruit salad for a snack after this.
That girl is so lucky her boyfriend runs with her.
I want a boyfriend.
Do I?
I’m so over this run.
I’m really thirsty.
There’s my house.
I SEE MY HOUSE!
DONE!!!
Personal best on Runkeeper!
Thanks, Runkeeper lady.
I’m a great runner.
Okay, collapsing.
Do I have my keys?????????
Okay, yes I do.
I’m gonna nap.
First, I should make that fruit salad.
Eh, I’ll just eat this pizza. 
