1. Boogie down ya’ll

Personally I pick my nose in private to get all the jagged little shards of evil out of there. Fuck society, blowing into a tissue wont get everything out.

2. In the name of pleasure

I hold my pee for extended periods of time because it gives me sexual pleasure in my female places.

3. Argh, dammit

We look at our shit stains after wiping to decide whether we shall continue wiping our butts whilst pooping.

4. Gross, like, really gross

We swallow our own spit every few seconds and yet we can’t bring ourselves to swallow it if it’s in a cup.

5. Never going to wing night at a bowling alley

Eating at a bowling alley. You know they never clean the finger holes… and how many peoples nasty sausage digits have been in there? and then you stuff that burger in your facehole? Yuck.

6. Wash your hands after?

As a parent – about 74% of my daily interactions with my baby girl are pretty damn gross. Example: While eating sandwich, hear a loud, soaking, bubbling, squirt. Race to child. Pick up by armpits, rotate, discover shitsplosion seeping further and further up back from diaper. Run to changing table. Peel shit-soaked onesie off of child, delicately so to not spread shit to hair. Remove soiled diaper to reveal ~6 oz. rancid diarrhea. Using babywipe, smear diarrhea off of asscheeks, back, and hair (it was inevitable), and scoop out of vagina. Force smile as baby chuckles, mockingly. Fold baby wipe over and wipe shit off of fingers. Re-diaper and re-clothe child. Resume sandwich.

7. Thinking twice about my bed

Going to sleep in a bed full of dead flaked off skin,little mites and all their poo.

But my god I love my bed, never change old friend.

8. Well, if you put it that way

We cut off plants’ genitals and gift them to other people. Those people put them in a vase so that the genitals could stay erect as long as possible.

9. I see you leaning slightly to your right, you jerk

Fart. You are smelling air that was inside my asshole only a few moments ago.

10. Belongs in r/Popping

Lately I’ve developed a habit for squeezing my blackheads. I don’t know why, but I find it satisfying to see that tiny yellow and black tube squirt out of my pore.

11. Don’t we do this all the time?

The amount of times I scratch my balls or ass everyday, immediately continuing whatever I was doing without washing my hands.

12. It is kind of weird

We insert wadded up pieces of cotton up our vaginas to stop blood and membrane from coming out, then when it’s full, we pull it out with our fingers (not daily, but a for a week each month).

13. “He was a bold man that first ate an oyster” – Jonathan Swift

Eating raw oysters. Basically eating something that looks like my chain-smoking uncle hacked up before breakfast yet after the 3rd cigarette.

14. Huh, when you put it that way

Milk. How fucked up is milk? Like we have adapted to be able to drink a substance produced by a mother for their young of a different species. I mean imagine if you saw a couple of squirrels milking a badger. That’s what it’s like.

15. That moldy sponge smell

Washing dishes with a sponge that’s covered in half eaten bits of food from the last week. It must be dirty before it gets sponge smell.

16. Yes, just dunk it in that bowl

Not cleaning or disinfecting our cellphones.

17. You must ask yourself, Is this handshake worth it?

Shaking someone’s hand. Think of everything you might have touched or done with your hand recently, and realize that the other person might have done all that and more, then never washed their hand before shaking yours.

18. Don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here

We take perfectly good, clean water that anyone without access to such would appreciate, and then we shit in it.

19. Goddamn felines

We let cats, who step in their own shit and piss, walk on our counters, in our beds, our sinks, etc…and we get karma for it.

20. “Assteria”

Public Restrooms. Think about how many asses have touched each toilet seat, each carrying different assteria. This is why I have a fear of shitting in public.

21. Why would you even ask?

Imagine what you actually swallow. Saliva infused mashed food. Your burger might look nicely on your plate, but ask your buddy to show you inside of his mouth before he swallows the next bite. Delicious!

22. ~*guilty*~

If you’re allergic to pollen, you’re allergic to plant sex.

23. I’ll do it again if I have to

Eating leftover pizza that’s sat out all night.

24. This grosses me out a lot

Sitting in a hot tub. When you get in a hot tub all the dead skin on you sloths off and floats around in the water. Meanwhile the hot water causes your pores to open up thus letting other people dead skin into your pores.

25. Yes indeed

TIL My immune system is a hero.