Here’s The Amazingness That Happens When You Respond To Scam, Junk Emails

You know those idiotic emails that fill your spam folder informing you of an inheritance or a business opportunity from a Nigerian Prince or a Russian Diplomat? Does anyone actually respond to those? Who would possibly be dumb enough to think this was a legitimate business opportunity? I decided that dumb person would be me.

A few weeks ago I received this email:

It’s fairly standard junk mail dialogue. I never really took the time to really think about what these emails are saying, but it looks like the author found a thesaurus and decided to use it on every word in the email. Also, why would an email be morally offensive to me? I responded that evening:

I had no idea what would happen next or if I would ever hear from my pal Lizy Abdul again. A few days went by and I discovered this in my junk mail. She responded, and it was everything I had hoped for and more:

She included a photo of herself:

And, of course, a photo of her dead dad:

Are we engaged now? I’m not one to mix business with pleasure, but if Lizy wants to take it down this road, then who am I to argue? Here was my response:

It’s all out there for both Lizy and myself. We’re basically planning our wedding at this point. I thought it was going to move forward when I received this crushing blow:

It appears Lizy does not love me the way she had led me to believe. It also appears she may be the person she described to me. If you can’t trust a stranger randomly emailing you for a billion dollar investment opportunity, then who can you trust? I responded with this heartfelt goodbye:

Thanks a lot Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I suppose You’ve Got Mail wasn’t meant for me after all.