The 17 And Only Reasons Why You’re Still Single

1. You are selfish.

You love who you are and what you do. You love your freedom and alone time, but if you’re not willing to give it up even a little, unless Johnny Depp rides into your life on a Harley or Megan Fox bumps into you in the grocery store, you may not find yourself in a relationship anytime soon.

2. You are messy.

No one wants to date a slob. It’s not as big of a deal when you are just dating, but living with a hoarder is pretty disgusting. Guys, clean your bathroom, that brown ring in your toilet isn’t appealing, and ladies at least throw all your clothes into the closet before you have a sleepover.

3. You work nights or weekends.

I understand this one, because I work in the entertainment industry, but men who are looking for wives don’t think of bartenders and DJs as good material, and women looking for husbands don’t exactly think nightclubs are great places to meet one. More importantly, not having the same schedule is a huge strain on a relationship. I would never give up my passion or change my career for someone, but nights and weekends are when most people are free to spend time together. It’s a tough one to work out.

4. You put everything on social media.

No one really cares what you ate for all three of your meals today and a new relationship certainly doesn’t need all of your 800 cyber friends weighing in on it.

5. You can’t make clear decisions or voice your opinion.

No one likes playing the “whatever you want” game. If you want to go get Chinese food, speak up. If you hate scary movies, please don’t say, “yeah sure that’s fine.” The point of dating is to get to know someone, so please let the person you are dating actually hear your opinion.

6. You live at home.

How are you supposed to bring a date back to your place?? “Oh thats just my dad, wanna go up to my childhood bedroom? Sorry if the stuffed animals are creepy, I’ll just throw them in the closet.” Eeehhhh no thanks.

7. You are married to your friends.

Friendships are one of life’s most important gifts, but if every free second you have you are on conference calls with your 7 best high school buddies, maybe it’s time for some space. No guy wants his girlfriend constantly all dolled up for “girls night” and no woman wants to constantly be sharing her man with his old frat bros. At the very least include your partner into friend time.

8. You tell your mom everything.

A girl that is close with her family is a huge turn on. A girl that is best friends with her mother is a red flag. No man wants his potential mother in law to know every intimate detail about him. Go ahead tell her that you are really happy with our intimate relationship, but please refrain from telling her about that special thing I do with my tongue…it just makes me feel really uncomfortable at family dinners.

9. You self-sabotage.

Ok so maybe you are really busy this month at work or the holidays are around the corner and you’re strapped for cash, but these are not good enough reasons to deny yourself. Stop finding excuses to not put yourself out there. You can find 2 hours in your week for a dinner and just skip the Starbucks runs for a few extra dollars. Give dating a real try, before you find a reason why it won”t work.

10. You tell your boys everything.

No woman wants her boyfriend’s friends to know her secrets. Those photos she sent you are just for you. That thing she likes, is just for you to know. Please don’t belittle your intimacy by sharing it with your friends. After all, what if she becomes your wife someday? Do you really want them to have seen her shower selfie?

11. You move too quickly.

Relationships are delicate, especially in the beginning. Take it slowly. Show interest, call, let the person know that you are thinking of them, but please leave the ring and children jokes at the door, or you may be seeing the door more quickly than you deserve.

12. Conversely, you move too slowly.

Slow and steady wins the race, but if you have a great first date then wait too long to call, the other party may assume that you are uninterested, risking them losing interest in you. There is also a pretty good chance that you are not the only person who they’re planning dates with, so if you don’t follow up properly, someone else may scoop up your potential Mr./Mrs. Right. And just so we are clear, a follow-up is a phone call a day or two later, thanking the other party and planning a future date. Text messages do not suffice.

13. You constantly talk about your ex.

Everyone has baggage, hell, some of us have full luggage sets. Some things may need to be spoken about, some things that you’ve learned you want or don’t want in your next relationship can be useful information. Constantly bringing up the ex, worse yet, in a negative way, speaks volumes about how ready you are to be dating. No one wants to be with someone who wants to be with someone else.

14. You don’t like yourself.

You know that annoying friend who is perfectly attractive, but still talks about how fat or ugly he or she is? Yeah, picture someone you are trying to sleep with constantly talking about how gross they are. After awhile, you may actually convince me that I shouldn’t want to sleep with you.

15. You’re a flirt.

Every girl wants her friends to like her man, but she doesn’t want to feel like her man is trying to get her friends into bed. Be nice to your partner’s friends, but lap sitting and late-night texting is too far. And never, under any circumstances, admit that you would sleep with any of them!

16. You don’t ask enough questions.

It’s great if you can talk about yourself and your interests, but if you don’t show a genuine attentiveness to your partner, they are going to get the impression that you are more interested in dating yourself.

17. You have unrealistic expectations.

Let’s be honest. Perfection doesn’t exist and real people have real flaws that extend past a Jessica Alba-type girl-next-door, who’s awkwardness and clumsiness are her only shortcomings. Real life has messy, dirty, hard-to-deal-with issues, and you’re not perfect either. So stop holding on to some Hollywoodized ideal. People are real and a lot of their beauty is in those imperfections. Find a good one and hold on to them.