1. Dream Phone Board Game
Why waste your time with a real boyfriend when you could figure out which guy wants to date you on Dream Phone?
2. Puppy Surprise
You buy a pregnant dog, but the real mystery is guessing how many puppies are inside of her. It had better not just be three or Christmas is ruined.
You buy a pregnant dog, but the real mystery is guessing how many puppies are inside of her. It had better not just be three or Christmas is ruined.
3. Madballs
You couldn’t really play with them because the weird shape made their bounces completely unpredictable, but I remember them smelling really weird.
4. Stretch Armstrong
His arms did not stretch anywhere near the amount they showed in the commercial. Highly disappointed.
5. My Pet Monster
Technically My Pet Monster came out in ’86, but that ugly troll was still breaking out of his plastic chains well into the ‘90s.
6. Splash Out
Why would they hold it so close to their face after catching it? I’m not getting drenched at this birthday party. No way.
7. Pocket Locker
My sister had one of these and I never understood why the front of the box said, “You can’t control your hair.” Isn’t that what a brush is for?
8. Stomp Rockets
Stomp Rockets were great because they didn’t require batteries or electricity. You just found out which one of your friends weighed the most and had him stomp on it as hard as he possibly could.
9. Monster in My Pocket
The only thing scary about Monster in My Pocket was how poorly they were sculpted. I still bought dozens of them, though.
10. Yak Bak
They basically painted the cheapest recorder possible with neon colors and told kids that they had to have them. I fell for it big time.
11. Gator Golf
Why were those kids in the commercial so mean to their dad for missing a putt? The club is like ten inches tall. Give him a break.
12. Pocket Rockers
I still can’t hear Creedence Clearwater Revival without singing the terrible version of their song from the Pocket Rockers commercial.
13. Quints
Quints taught kids the worst possible way to take care of multiple babies at once.
14. Lil Miss Makeup
By just adding water you could turn a plain looking doll into a drag queen!
15. Doodle Bears
It was a washable bear you could draw on, so that way when you accidentally drew something sexual on it, your parents could scrub it away and pretend it never happened.
16. Popples
Popples were another toy that hit in the late ‘80s but stayed popular through a chunk of the ‘90s. We used to try to roll multiple Popples together like a child’s version of The Human Centipede.
17. PJ Sparkles
My cousin had epilepsy and I’m pretty sure PJ Sparkles tried to kill her on multiple occasions.
18. Tiger Handheld Games
Remember these awful games? I couldn’t tell if I was winning or if the batteries had died and I was just holding it at a weird lighting angle.
19. Sock ‘Em Boppers
You basically just gave your kids giant fists to beat the crap out of each other. One kid had fun, while the other left crying.
20. Mall Madness
Clearance at the sunglass boutique??? I’m on my way! 
