13 Perks Of Dating A Stoner
1. She’s chill.
Stoners tend to be less neurotic and insecure than non-stoners. Yes, she might still get kind of weird and quiet after her first joint of the day, or perhaps vacuum her place three times a day because getting high only exacerbates her OCD, but everything is relative. She’s certainly chiller than any sorority chick you dated in college and sometimes that’s all that really matters.
2. You can test things out on her.
Never professed your love to another girl and want to see how it feels? Always wondered if your girl is down for anal? Well here’s your chance. You can ask your stoner girlfriend pretty much anything, and without having to worry about the repercussions, because in the morning there’s a good chance she won’t remember.
As the great HOV once said,
Got this weedhead chick, she always catch me doin shit
Crazy girl wanna leave me but she always forgets
3. She has a great appetite.
She’s the type of gal who never says no to “Would you like bacon with that?”, who will always choose fries over salad, and who didn’t know it was possible to order eggs without cheese. Her relationship with food is commendable.
4. And yet, she still maintains a low threshold for food.
She loves a good plate of oysters, but she can also EASILY settle for pizza at every meal. She won’t judge your cooking skills one bit, and will drool over anything you whip up. Throw a marshmallow in the microwave and your stoner girlfriend will be happy.
5. She knows things about food that you couldn’t possibly know unless you’re a habitual smoker.
She knows incredible food secrets and delicious, yet odd, food combinations. Like the one mentioned above: marshmallow in the microwave. She still eats fluffernutters, but adds her own twist to it like bananas and Nutella. She taught you that Sriracha tastes delicious on spaghetti, and that chocolate NEVER goes bad.
6. You’ll never have to buy weed.
Dating a stoner means you won’t have to buy weed, pretty much ever. Because it’s her habit and she takes responsibility for it.
7. Her parents will inevitably like you.
So long as you show them that you are not as big of a stoner as their daughter (which shouldn’t be hard), her parents will deem you a “good influence” and will forever be in your corner.
8. Relationship norms are more fun when high.
When dating a stoner, relationship norms—like eating together or having sex—are inevitably done high, and are therefore significantly more fun to do.
9. Her mind is like a cauldron of funny Youtube videos.
That, and also funny and obscure TV shows. When your sorority girlfriend tried to send you funny Youtube clips they were always gravely unfunny clips from The New Girl, Pretty Little Liars, or Three Broke Girls. The videos your stoner girlfriend sends you are actually funny; things you’ll want to share with your friends. Put differently, she gets Tim And Eric.
10. She can smoke with you and your friends.
And is actually a great addition to the smoke sessions you have with your friends. Unlike girls that aren’t regular stoners, your stoner girlfriend doesn’t start laughing uncontrollably, become cripplingly awkward, or say something like “this is some good shit” when she’s smoking with you guys.
11. She’s naturally more profound.
“Deeper,” if you will. Sounds cheesy and fallacious, but it’s true.
12. She’s crafty and nimble with her fingers.
And how could this ever be a bad thing?
13. With her, you’re like Dave Chappelle on crack.
Seeing as she is high a lot, she will almost certainly laugh at all of your jokes. And it won’t be a pity laugh; it will be a genuine, hearty, and snotty guffaw. 