This Is The Real Reason Why You’re Mad Your Ex Is Dating Someone New

You’re laying in bed at night and decide to check up on an old fling. Because honestly, what could be more satisfying than to see your ex is still single like yourself? But instead, when you reach their About Me, you’re greeted with the unnerving title, “in a relationship.”

At first you laugh it off, and say, “well, there’s no way this new person is better than me.” So in order to validate that thought, you start scrolling through pictures of them with their new squeeze. Picture after picture. Smile after smile. You even see pictures that the new squeeze has tagged your ex in. You can’t even convince yourself that they’re miserable, when clearly their love is resonating off of these pictures like some sort stinging mist.“Well, okay, fine. They’re happy. Whatever.”

It almost feels like you’re admitting defeat when you say that. That gut wrenching feeling you get when you know you’re wrong. You’d never admit this to anyone else, of course. But in your own mind, all of these insecurities come crashing into your head like a tidal wave. You just don’t understand: why couldn’t your ex have been this happy when they were with you? Maybe once upon a time they were, but that’s nothing but a distant, foggy memory now clouded by envy.

After overcoming the initial shock, you begin to remember all of their flaws. You channel that envy into wrath, and begin to think of their negatives. You remember all the times that they made you feel like crap. All of those disappointments and annoyances that they had drowned you with come forefront. You two broke up for a reason, so why does it hurt so much to see that someone else is making them happy?

You don’t want to admit it, but you’ll never be over it. We leave a piece of us with every person we open ourselves up to. When we make that bond with someone, it’s as if they’re on a plateau above the rest of our everyday thoughts. It’s as if they’re an uninvited guest, always showing up in your mind. Out of the deep blue, without a moments notice, they flood our attention. We want to accept that we’re over them, but then our own hearts fight against all sense and logic to make them float on that cloud of nostalgia.

So close their Facebook page. Take a deep breath, and remember that someone else out there is doing the same thing with you. We all of that flame that whispers, “what if,” or “what could have been,” but we need to take control of our emotions. Just as someone has touched your heart, you’ve made the same impact on someone else. We’ll never be over our drowned pasts, but we can reach out for a new shore.