It doesn’t matter if your date wears panties or rocks boxer-briefs, there is something incredibly sexy about making dinner for someone. And this article is, like, 88% guaranteed to help ease your date out of their undergarments. All you have to do is read it, buy some ingredients, invite your date over and then let the sweet-ass food you make charm them right out of their clothing. The last 12% is up to you. As long as you chew with your mouth closed, make interesting conversation and get out of the way of the budding romance, trust me, you should be golden. So… you ready to learn how to make a dinner that qualifies as foreplay? Good. Then, read on.
There are those who suggest seduction is a lost art. Romance might not have the best rep anymore thanks to pick-up artist bullshit, rom-com clichés and our screen-dominated lifestyles, but if there’s one thing to put the big “O” back in romance, it’s a well-cooked homemade meal. Food has been the bond of lovers since Eve offered Adam the apple. Now, it’s your turn. And you don’t even need to know how to cook well to woo a date with food.
Some things about making a sexy homemade dinner should be rather obvious. Like, for instance: Don’t serve any penis-shaped meats or vegetables. In fact, don’t serve any foods that are obvious sexual metaphors, if you can help it. You don’t want your date thinking about sex because their food looks like a dick. You want them thinking about sex because you used a handful of ingredients to make them feel good, and if you can give them that much pleasure at your dinner table, they’ll probably be curious what that same level of imagination and attention to small details would be like in the bedroom.
A sexy ass dinner, like any good seduction, begins with a little planning. This is where you make the first of a few inspired choices. Let’s start with the big picture. You wanna prepare for a full night – because that’s what it is – we call it dinner, but really we’re talking about an evening filled with little moments. The first moment will be when they arrive and you want that moment to usher them.
Before you contemplate the tastes and smells you’ll be cooking up in your kitchen, you need to consider the ambiance and aromas of your home. You want to style your general atmosphere. And I mean more than just cleaning it up, which you certainly want to do. After you tidy up a bit, place a few candles around your spot. They don’t need to be scented, or expensive. And you don’t wanna make your place look like an Eastern Orthodox church, but candles are a nice touch, for anyone.
Also, regardless of your date’s gender buy some flowers and freshen up your place. It doesn’t matter how much you have to spend, make sure there’s some money in your budget for some fresh-cut flowers. Select ones that are visually fun more than heavy on the romance. Skip the roses. Go for either a colorful bouquet or perhaps a bouquet of a single flower you prefer. Stick ‘em in a vase and boom! You now have a pleasant home.
The last touch of atmosphere is the music that fills the air. Your taste selectively reveals a lot about you. The music you prefer is like a handle, it’s a way of grasping what type of person you are. You’re an Ibiza chill-out person. You’re a bossa nova person. You’re a roots reggae person. You’re a Dean Martin kind of a person. Or maybe you’re a Patsy Cline person, or Serge Gainesbourg, or Otis Redding or SoKo kind of a person. Most importantly, pick music that fits in the background and doesn’t call too much attention to itself. You want it there, but not there. If this is too much pressure for you, if you doubt your taste, ask your coolest friends to recommend some Spotify channels.
Just a few easy atmospheric touches – candles, flowers, music – and they’re all simple enough that you’re not trying too hard. But the effect will be felt. You’ve set the stage.
We’re assuming you’re making dinner at your place; but if that’s not an option, no problem. Maybe ask if you can cook at their place. If they’re cool with that- remember to bring whatever you need: candles, cloth napkins, wine bottle opener, serving utensils, all those little odds and ends, since you don’t want to rely on them to have what you need. If it’s your place, on the day before, make sure you have everything you need.
Now… let’s talk food. It’s best to think of your food as an experience. You want it to be as varied as an amusement park. And just like Disneyland, your goal is to please your visitors and give them memories and stories to tell. If you don’t know how to pick a menu, here’s a super-easy formula: 2 appetizers, 1 main course, 2 sides, soup or salad, and a dessert.
1. Have Fun With Your Appetizers
Pick two appetizers. Take a risk with one. Go more classic with the other. Let simplicity save you, and variety will distinguish you. Whatever you pick, go with light and fresh. Nothing heavy, fried or salty.
2. Less Is More
Offer a small amount of appetizers. And the reason to pick two appetizers is simple. When there are fewer options it means a person’s more likely to savor what’s offered. That’s why expensive restaurants give smaller portions. It’s not because they’re cheap. Their portion size isn’t their secret to profits. But it is their secret to success.
3. Do Not Make Pasta!
Even if you love angel hair, don’t include that anorexic spaghetti. Why? It’s about as boring as boring can get. There’s no risk, and thus, no reward. First impressions are important. Making pasta is like a weak handshake. Be more adventurous than pasta. Your menu sets the tone for your evening together. Don’t they deserve something more interesting than lasagna?
4. To Meat Or Not To Meat? That Is The Question
Do you live in Brooklyn, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Austin or Portland? Then just go ahead and plan a vegan menu. You can have fun with vegan dishes… No, you can! Stop laughing. You can. I swear. You just have to focus more on texture combinations. And unexpected flavor mixes.
If you live somewhere where people still eat animals, then pick a good one. What I mean by that is: Pick an animal that isn’t chicken, beef, or pork. You wanna make your meat an experience. (Yes, I just said that). If you do, they’ll have a story to tell their friends. And they’ll ask with perhaps a hint of jealousy, “He cooked… barbecued goat fajitas?”
5. You’re Cooking For Your Date (And Their Friends)
Even if their friends are staunch vegans and hate goat meat, it doesn’t matter. Everyone wants to know more about the person who makes barbecued goat fajitas. This is how you become that person. All you gotta do is make a few inspired choices. If you need help, check out any of the zillions of cool recipes online. Or better yet go check out the hilariously rad recipes over at http://thugkitchen.com/
Here’s a few recipes you can make even if you can’t cook for shit. They’re the best of both worlds, they’re vegan but they have the same sex appeal as barbecued goat fajitas.
Roasted Chick Pea and Broccoli Burrito
Once you pick some interesting choices for your main dish, like barbecued goat fajitas or roasted chick pea and broccoli burritos, or whatever makes your mouth-water and your mind curious, then you’re halfway there.
6. Pick Your Sides Like You Pick Your Friends
You don’t want to have friends who are just like you. That’s boring. But you also don’t want friends who are so dissimilar that you have nothing in common. You pick friends who complement you. Well, that’s what you want from your side dishes. You want the flavors to work with your main course. But you also want your sides to be colorful complements that complicate the flavor parade you got going.
Here’s another recipe from ThugKitchen.com that goes great with either of the two main courses mentioned above: Stuffed Peppers
7. Dessert Is For Closers
In the movie GlenGarry Glen Ross, the super-salesman who comes into train the subpar salesmen of the struggling office tells them, “Coffee is for closers.” It’s harsh, it’s kinda brutal, but it’s coldly motivational. Now, I’d never suggest you imitate Alec Baldwin’s character (or really Alec Baldwin, for that matter) but think of dessert as your acid test.
When the meal is done, and if conversation ebbs and you reach your first awkward pause, use that moment to clear the table. Return with dessert. Their reaction to the sweets you offer should tell you everything you need to know. If they’re happy, giggly, laughing and open, the dessert should be an easy transition into more bodily pleasure. And if you wanna add one last touch of romance (and remove any anxiety about eating dessert) go ahead and bring out one dessert and two forks/spoons and share it.
8. Good Conversation Is Sexy As Fuck
Conversations, like grapes, are best when they’re fluid. Keep that in mind. If you’re drinking wine, the conversation should happen naturally. The key to a good conversation is to focus on the other person. Listen twice as much as you talk. And only talk when you feel sparked by what they said, or if they ask a question. The rest of the time, try to get them to open up. Let them do the talking and savor what they have to say. Listen like there will be a quiz afterwards. Don’t ask them if they liked the meal. If they compliment the meal, be gracious and praise your ingredients.
Perhaps, as you enjoy your desserts, ask your date one of the sure-fire conversation starters, ask them about what we all find fun to talk about:
–If you could go anywhere for two weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go?
-Which is your favorite teen movie?
-Do you ever think Miley Cyrus would fight Justin Beiber in a wrestling match when they’re in their forties and they’re both broke and if it was a pay-per-view special?
Okay, maybe not the last one (or any of those) but you get the idea. Pick topics that make you curious and are fun.
9. Coffee, Tea… Or Me?
After dessert, find a place to get comfortable. Offer them a cup of coffee. Or finish your wine if you had some with dinner. Perhaps, open another bottle. If your date doesn’t like to drink… no problem. You can offer them a rad non-alcoholic drink.
Here’s a super-easy recipe from ThugKitchen.com for a refreshing Agua Fresca.
10. Don’t Expect Anything
Let things occur naturally. No planning. No script. Let conversation flow and follow its own course. Casually. A well-cooked meal, a memorable dessert, fun talk punctuated with lots of easy laughs, this is a recipe for success and can lead straight to the bedroom.
From what I’ve found, women like a guy who puts in a little effort. But, being women, they prefer when it appears effortless. They don’t want to remind you when their birthday is and have you ask them what they want. (Well, I guess some might). Most women don’t really want to see you trying. They like it when it’s your idea. And really, who doesn’t? This holds true for everyone, not just straight women. Everyone likes thoughtful effortlessness. So when you put in some effort to make your choices of main course and appetizers, that effort suggests you might be equally imaginative in other places.
My hope is, using whatever of this you find helpful, you’ll host a damn fine dinner and at the end of your night you and your date will both be fully sated, naked and pleased.
Bon Appetit! 
