7 Things To Tell Yourself When You’re Hurting
By Keay Nigel
1. I am going to face it.
Don’t run away from it. Don’t treat it like it’s not there, like it has never happened — this will only prolong the period of suffering, and delay the healing. Talk about it, not avoid it. Things only get nastier when you try to sweep them under the carpet. Face that bitch right in the face. If it’s gonna hurt, it will. But after that, it will be fine. It will get better.
2. This pain is necessary for growth.
You tell yourself that it is NOT all bad and no good — that something good CAN come out of it. That through pain you become stronger and better as a person. That going through tough things and shit situations are part and parcel of life. People can break your heart, but it is up to you whether to seal it up on the inside, or allow your heart to grow bigger and become more accepting of things. Even if this thing breaks you, you are going to bounce back bigger and fiercer.
3. Don’t be afraid of being afraid.
Because only in being afraid can you choose to be brave. You cannot have courage in the absence of fear — it is only in fear when you could pull out that hidden blade of courage from within and use it to face whatever you need to face. Do whatever that needs to be done, even if you have to do it afraid. Let this hurting keep you fighting.
4. It is only temporary.
It’s true. What you are going through now will not persist forever. Perhaps not even past the week! It will pass sooner or later. This difficult, complicated situation isn’t going to stick around longer than it should, unless you want it to. Everything dies (down) with time. So don’t worry about the duration of its stint. When it’s done “fixing” you, it will be over in no time. You might not even know when it’s gone.
5. Bad things do happen to good people.
Things happen — they just do. It’s not because you’re a bad person and it’s some sort of a retribution or karma. Yes, some things do happen for a reason. But the reasons to them are almost never revealed to us. So it’s useless to guess why, why and why. Just get over your pitiful self and stop thinking that everything’s personal. Accidents and mistakes are inevitable in life. Learn to deal with it.
6. I don’t have to blame anyone, not even myself.
The thing is, if you starting putting blame on people or yourself, you are only allowing the hurt to spread. Even when you are out of that bad situation, you will still be holding a grudge inside, whether big or small, whether you know it or not. It is not easy to forgive; in fact it’s one of the most difficult things to achieve in life. So isn’t it better to not find someone to blame now, only to trouble yourself later on with forgiving?
7. I still have people who love me very much.
The thought of our loved ones gives us power. It can give us to the power to persist, to push through, and to overcome. It’s a magical thing, really. When we think of our family and friends, we see another reason not to give up, on the situation or on ourselves. So hold on, in spite of yourself. 