Understanding When To Let Go And Why Endings That Hurt Even Happen

Evan Kirby

It’s hard to ever understand why things end or why relationships change in the first place.

You try and justify and rationalize and understand it. But it’s not easy.

Sometimes no matter how many times you analyze the past and replay conversations, acceptance of that change becomes the hardest part.

You don’t understand until after the fact and after much healing.

Sometimes the reason things don’t work out is because there’s someone better for you out there you haven’t met yet. And that’s hard to believe. It’s hard to walk away loving someone admitting that wasn’t enough to save you.

But the way to look at it isn’t bitter or angry even though those are probably the initial emotions you feel.

When a good relationship ends realize that means a better one is to come.

Sometimes a person comes into your life and love and choose you in that moment because that’s the type of person you needed. And in that phase they were the best person they could have been. And sometimes that’s all you can ask and expect of someone.

It’s okay to be upset something like that didn’t last and that connection faded but how lucky are you to even have found someone like that in the first place.

I think when relationships end, it’s all about the perspective you can look at it angry and sad or with gratitude.

Each person you interact with has something different to teach you.

And maybe your life is a compilation of endings you can’t make sense of but take every good quality of those people and look for that.

You are going to realize it didn’t work out when you meet the next person and have a relationship that does. And eventually in that person you find every good thing about all those other people in the past within one individual meant for you.

It hurts when people leave but it’s lovely to have had someone who meant that much to you, that you miss them.

Some of the best relationships you have in your life may not be with the people you end up with. Some of the deepest love you feel may not be one that’s forever. But the difference between that and the people you end up with is a love that’s right.

The right love is what’s in your future every time something goes wrong.

You dwell in the past looking at a person who no longer fits into this version of your life. And that’s okay. The greatest form of love and honoring a good relationship is letting it go when the times up.

But you don’t want to do that. Instead you fumble for words with uncomfortable conversation where there’s not much left to even say.

Awkward dinner as metal scrapping china is the only sound.
Falling asleep at night next to someone who feels like they are miles away.
The small talk where I love you isn’t genuine but said out of routine.
And silence that speaks louder than words can.

We all hold onto relationships longer than we should because we don’t want to admit what we know in our hearts to be true. That it’s over.

Sometimes love runs out. Sometimes relationships run it’s course. And sometimes these people we were so sure of leave. And the only thing we are left with is the things they taught us, the way they changed us, the way they bettered us and the love they had to give at one point.

And it might feel like a loss when things end but when you truly love and care about someone you trade pieces of each other so within you are little parts of them never to really be forgotten.

The reasons things don’t work out is because people are like parts of our lives and we outgrow them too.

When it hurts to stand still next to someone and the only thing you have in common is the past, sometimes the best thing you can do for each other is walk separately towards a future and it’s there you’ll find someone who stays. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog