I Walked Away Because Our Almost Relationship Was Never Going To Become Real

God & Man

I wanted to date you. I wanted to dance with you at weddings and drink with you on weekends and come home to you on weekdays. I wanted to fall asleep beneath your sheets at night and cook breakfast alongside you after waking up with our limbs entwined. I wanted to be your girlfriend. I wanted you to be my boyfriend.

I never wanted us to stop at almost. I never wanted you to wonder whether I was only leading you on. I never wanted you to think of me as the girl who flirted with you for months before deciding to walk away. I never wanted you to feel like it’s my fault we never became an official couple.

I hope you know how strong my feelings for you were. I liked you more than some boys that I actually dated. I liked you more than I ever admitted aloud.

Maybe you think that I treated everyone the same way I treated you, but that’s far from the reality. I opened up to you about aspects of my world I normally keep hidden. I flirted with you even though I’m normally shy around other people. You weren’t one of many boys. You were the boy.

You were the one I gossiped to my friends about every time we grabbed dinner on Friday night. You were the one I casually mentioned to my mother because I couldn’t shut up about you. You were the one I spent every car ride and shower thinking about.

I know we never became an official couple, but I really did like you. I liked talking to you. I liked touching you. I liked being around you. You made me feel comfortable, which is not something I’m used to saying. Around most people, I feel like I have to be somebody else. I’m always pretending. I didn’t have to do that with you. I could ramble on about whatever the hell was on my mind without worrying about you judging me. I could talk about anything.

I wanted to date you but you kept giving me more and more reasons to walk away. I wasn’t sure whether you wanted the same things as me. I was worried you were only interested in being friends. I was worried you would never feel the same way about me.

I didn’t think we would ever become an official couple and I wasn’t going to wait around forever for you to change your mind. I needed to live my life. I wasn’t going to keep chasing after you. I felt like I did that for long enough.

I walked away because our almost relationship lasted for too long. I figured that, if you liked me as much as I liked you, then we would have become a couple already. I figured that walking away would be best for both of us since we weren’t taking the leap and asking each other out.

I walked away, because at the time, I didn’t think you would mind. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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