It’s easy to label me as a childish for ignoring your phone calls. For declining your dinner invitations. For erasing you from my world.
But, in reality, I am doing the mature thing by cutting you out of my world. If I went with my impulses, then I would be screaming at you. I would be fighting with you. I would be listing out the ways you hurt me and expecting an explanation for every single one.
However, I’m not doing any of that, because I am too mature for drama. I am too mature for games. I am too mature for pointless arguments that will lead to fake apologies.
Instead of remaining inside of a poisonous environment, instead of torturing myself by keeping you in my world, I am choosing to take the high road. I am choosing to ease you out of my life instead of clinging onto something toxic.
You can call me childish for avoiding you, for deleting you from social media and walking the other way when we meet in public, but I disagree. I believe it takes strength to do what I have been doing. It takes strength to leave.
I consider myself mature for remaining silent in your presence, for faking smiles when we are forced into the same room, instead of saying all of the hateful things that I have fantasized about saying to you in the shower.
I consider myself mature for being able to avoid the temptation to give you the middle finger, to throw a drink in your face, to curse you out, to make you see how much harm you have brought onto me.
I consider myself mature for letting go. For saying goodbye to the past.
I consider myself mature for knowing that there is no sense in holding onto our relationship, because it has been severed beyond repair.
I consider myself mature for choosing what is best for myself for a change instead of doing what is best for everyone else. For choosing the difficult path over the easiest one.
I consider myself mature for being able to say that yes, I still love you. Yes, I still care about you. But no, you do not deserve a place in my life. I deserve more than what you have been giving me. I deserve to be treated with respect. Always. Not some of the times. Not when you feel like it. Always.
I consider myself mature for walking away from you, even though I know you do not see it the same way. You can call me childish. You can call me a bitch. You can tell me that I am overreacting and that I am holding a grudge and that I should just get over it already.
Of course, I am over it. I am over our relationship. I am over what we were. I am over trying to keep someone around who does not value me. I am over it. And I am over you.