When you leave someone toxic behind, you will feel like an asshole, because they are the exact type of person who knows how to make you feel like an asshole. They know how to guilt trip you. They know how to pull at your heart strings.
They know the right thing to say to make you feel bad for them, to make you feel like you are doing the wrong thing by leaving them, to make you second guess your decision to walk away. They might even take it a step further and make you feel like you are the one giving up, you are the one who didn’t try hard enough, you are the one who did something wrong.
When you leave someone toxic behind, they will not let you go without a fight. They will tell you everything you want to hear. They will give apologies that sound genuine. They will promise to change. They will revert back to acting like the person they were when you first met, when you used to get along, because they know that temporary behavior could convince you to stay.
When you leave someone toxic behind, a part of you will hate yourself, because you have grown used to blaming yourself. When you were with them, you blamed yourself whenever they got angry with you, because you thought it was somehow your fault. And after you leave, you won’t be able to break the habit. You will blame yourself for staying so long, for settling into such a toxic situation, for wasting months (or years or decades) of your life with someone who never deserved your love.
When you leave someone toxic behind, it will be hard to cut contact. They might text you. They might call you. They might show up at your house in the dead of night or visit you at the place where you work. And every time you ignore them, even though you have every right to do so, you will feel horrible.
When you leave someone toxic behind, it will be hard at first. You will feel like an asshole at first. There will be times when you doubt whether you did the right thing, times when you are tempted to text them, times when you want to return to the way things used to be.
But deep down, you know you are better off without them. You know you are ultimately going to be happier on your own, even if it takes a while for the sadness to disappear. Even if your heart remains broken for a while.
When you leave someone toxic behind, you are going to have trouble adjusting to life without them. You are going to have trouble believing other people when they claim to care about you. You are going to assume they have hidden motives. You are going to assume everyone is like the person you left behind — which is not the truth.
There are people who you can trust. People who are selfless. People who will treat you with respect every single day, not just when they want something from you. And now that you’re free from toxicity, you will find those people.