Thought Catalog
October 25, 2016

Delete His Number

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Remove the old texts from your phone, the messages that gave you hope, that made you believe that the two of you could be something. Delete them all. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to search for meaning between the pixelated words on the screen. Don’t give yourself the chance to analyze time stamps and emojis, promises and plans to hangout. Maybe at one time these messages would signify a future, but now they are simply the past. Let them be so. Delete those texts.

And then erase the tough texts, too, the ones where he took too long to reply, the ones where he told you he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Get rid of the texts that confirmed your worst fears: he was not invested in you and never would be. You got the information you needed. No need to keep opening the wounds by scanning the words that burst your heart open. Erase the texts. It’s okay.

And now scroll to his name one last time.

And almost send him a message. Draft out a declaration saying you still want to be friends, even though you both know that’s not true. Type out that you’ll get over it eventually, even though right now you don’t see yourself doing so. Lace together these beautiful lies stitched together with hope and good intentions, and hover your thumb above “Send.” But instead, backspace it all.

And then delete his number.

Stare at your phone for a minute to let it sink in that you won’t be reaching out to him on your toughest nights and that he won’t be the one to comfort you. Let it come together that you won’t be wishing him a happy 27th birthday, and he won’t wish you a happy 25th. You won’t get to hear how his mom is doing, you won’t get to see him on New Year’s Eve. Let it all sink in that his name is no longer going to pop up on your screen on the drive home from his work day. You won’t know if he got that promotion. You won’t know if he ever got out of that job he hated.

He is no longer part of your life and you no longer part of his. And this is okay. You are okay.

Now put your phone down. Walk away from it all for a while. Feel the distinct mixture of sadness and freedom pumping through your veins, the feeling that only comes with the end of something painful and the beginning of something more. Feel the sweet relief and heaviness collapse on you all at once and realize that you are on your way to moving on. You deleted his number, one step closer to removing him from your heart. TC mark

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