Sometimes I hate it—the fact that I can’t plan, that I can’t know what’s coming, that despite my best efforts to let go and let the universe do as it will, I still have this inner desire to be in control.
Sometimes I hate it—the fact that I fight the inevitable so much, longing to have a tight grasp on things that only want to be set free, trying to be my own savior when I already have one who has given everything for me.
I don’t know about you, but I’m forever trying to understand what this all means—the circumstances of my life, the constant state of change, the positive and negative moments that happen to me and those I love. It’s always felt so important to me to know, or at least to try to know. I’ve forever had this desire to be someone who has it all together and figured out.
But the more I go through and the more I struggle with, the more I keep coming back to the idea of release. I can’t change what’s happened, I can’t completely prepare for what’s next, and I can’t influence the thoughts or actions of others.
All I can really do is let go, is surrender my need for control.
What I’ve realized, is that when it comes to life and all its turns and twists, the only thing you can really change is your perspective and the direction you want to head.
And I’m still learning how to do this. I’m still learning that it’s okay to let others take the lead sometimes, to let God’s plan play out without my stubborn interference, to trust that everything will be alright. I’m still learning how to stop focusing on what everyone else is doing or thinking, and looking within myself and Savior for a sense of purpose.
I’m still learning that the only thing I can really change is the way I approach a situation—my attitude, my positivity, and ultimately the choice of where I want to head next.
Sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in all the things we want to change. When things fall apart we start to panic. We want to either bring everything back to the way it was, or we want to completely shift everything around us until it all makes sense. But the truth is, we can’t force anything to be or do what we want it to.
The only thing we can change is ourselves.
So this a reminder—for myself, and for you I’ve you’re struggling with the idea of releasing the unknown—the only thing you can change is your direction. You can’t make someone apologize, make them love you, make them let you go. You can’t erase the past, the mistakes, the promises that weren’t kept. You can’t completely shape the future, or even plan for it.
The only thing you can do is put one foot in front of the other, speak positive thoughts into your head, and move towards what feels right.
Your path won’t be perfect. You won’t always have a sense of where or what you should be doing. You will have moments of confidence, and moments of fear. But keep going.
Whatever you face, wherever you wander, know that you do have the power to alter your circumstances—by filling yourself with strength and light, and walking down a road that builds you, rather than breaks you.
Life isn’t easy, but you aren’t powerless.
You are surviving; you are doing just fine.