1. ‘Nothing planned’ means I plan to do nothing.
“Nothing planned =/= I’m free to hang out.
It means I plan to do nothing.”
2. I’m perfectly happy being alone.
“I’m perfectly happy being alone. Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
3. Don’t ever ask me why I’m quiet; it will make me quieter.
“Don’t ever ask me why I’m quiet or remark on how quiet I am. I know I’m quiet and the awkwardness of your question will make me even quieter.”
4. I look bored because I AM BORED.
“I look bored because I AM BORED. I don’t know anything about the topics being discussed, so I haven’t done any prep work for the conversation. I’m sitting at a table listening to you all yuk it up about something I know nothing about, and can’t contribute to the dialogue meaningfully. That’s why I look like I want to go home. You are draining my fucking batteries and nothing is happening.”
5. Getting me drunk won’t make me an extrovert.
“Getting me drunk won’t make me an extrovert; it’ll just make me a drunk introvert.”
6. I know that you rest, relax, and recharge through interaction with others; I don’t.
“Being introverted doesn’t mean that I never want to socialize; it just means that I rest, relax, and recharge when I’m by myself. I know that you rest, relax, and recharge through interaction with others; I don’t.
I’m happy to join you on social occasions, but I’m going to tire quickly and need somewhere quiet to retreat to.
Also, when I retreat to my study during a social occasion, it’s not because I think you don’t want me around and need you to ‘make me feel comfortable.’ Please do NOT follow me.”
7. Being an introvert is not some kind of personality flaw that needs to be fixed.
“Being an introvert is not some kind of personality flaw that needs to be fixed.
I dated a guy very briefly who treated my introversion like it was a disease. He would constantly say things like, ‘My dad and brother are introverts. I’ve dealt with it my whole life and I’m not going to stand for it anymore!’ Uh, sorry you feel I’m inherently flawed because I don’t feel the need to ‘open up’ when I literally have nothing to open up about…?”
8. Don’t show up to my house uninvited.
“Please please please do not show up to my house without an invite…or at least giving me some warning.”
9. I don’t always feel like talking.
“I’m not being rude. I just don’t always feel like talking.”
10. Just because I’m sitting quietly doesn’t mean I’m bored or upset.
“Just because I’m sitting quietly doesn’t mean I’m bored or upset. In fact, that’s probably one of my happiest moments.
This is also (especially!!!) true if I’m reading! I am not bored. I am EXTREMELY happy…please leave me alone.”
11. If I disappear at a party, I’m recharging.
“If I disappear for a while at a party to go to the bathroom, I’m not pooping. I’m gathering myself to go back out to all those people.”
12. Please give advance notice if you want me to go anywhere.
“For the love of God please give advance notice if you want me to go anywhere.
A spur-of-the-moment invite to a party is my worst nightmare, but if you give me a few days heads up that you’re having people over, I can probably persuade myself into going.”
13. It’s okay to be in a room with someone else without constantly talking.
“It’s okay to be in a room with someone else without constantly talking. I promise.”
14. Quit extending this ‘business meeting’ until the wee hours.
“I would like them to know that after a full day of meetings with you and your team, that it is not cool to then schedule a dinner at 7 PM. And at the conclusion of that dinner, suggesting to go out for drinks is just torture.
We get it, you get all jazzed up by being with people. There are plenty of people in the world. It doesn’t have to be me.”
15. We WANT to be included, but we find it difficult to get involved.
“A lot of the time, we WANT to be included, but we find it difficult to get involved. A friendly invitation would do a lot to help us out.”
16. It takes me a while to warm up to new people.
“I’m not a bitch just because I’m not super-friendly right off the bat. It takes me a while to warm up to new people.”
17. We need to be home and mostly alone to recharge.
“That we’re not lazy. We love going out and being social, but we need to be home and (mostly) alone to recharge. We can’t spend all day, every day out with people.
The next time one of your introvert friends says he doesn’t want to go out, don’t force him. He needs to recharge his mind because you people are mentally tiring to us.”
18. Please don’t mock the things I do to relax after a stressful day of dealing with you.
“Please don’t mock the things I do to relax after a stressful day of dealing with you.”
19. We can actually feel good when we are left alone.
“That we can actually feel good when we are left alone, or with fewer people around.”
20. Recharging is a BIG deal.
“Recharging is a BIG deal. No matter how much I like hanging with someone, I think sometimes people take it personally when I decline an offer to hang out. If I have a guest crashing for a few days, some of those days I may spend alone in my room just resting from mental exertion. Thankfully my close friends understand this. This is usually a problem when I first meet people and they want to go and do this or that all the time so they prob think I’m a flake or just don’t like them…I’m also not the best at keeping friendships ‘watered’ (i.e., texting for fun, chatting on the phone much) but I do welcome the exchange when I have the energy for it.”
21. I need ‘me’ time; don’t take it personally.
“I am an introvert, at least according to my Myers-Briggs analysis (ISTP). This doesn’t mean that I am bad at social interactions, or don’t enjoy them, or am a loner. I enjoy spending time with friends—in moderation. I enjoy social gatherings—in moderation. I love spending time with my wife (an ENFJ) and toddler, but even that requires some bit of moderation as well. However, to recharge my batteries, per se, I need me time. Not even me and my wife time, but just me time. Some people use time with friends, family, or others to recharge their batteries; I am the opposite. To me, this is what being an introvert means.”
22. We have a limit of social interaction, at which point we need to break and hit the reset button.
“Introverts can be extremely social for a period of time. We’re not all socially awkward, shut-ins, hermits, or rude.
We can be performers, musicians, and public figures; we can be showmen, salesmen, and anything else requiring periods of extreme sociality or being the focus of a crowd. We can even feed off of the energy of a crowd like extroverts do.
What we can’t do is run on that energy forever like extroverts. We need time to decompress, spent alone or with people we’re really close to, so we can recharge and reorganize our headspace. A crowd might give you a little kick, but you’re still being discharged.
Extroverts can keep feeding off of people’s social energy, or a crowd’s focused energy, for a long time; introverts have a limit at which they need to break from that and hit the reset button.”
23. STOP GUILT-TRIPPING US TO GO OUT TO EVENTS.
“STOP GUILT-TRIPPING US TO GO OUT TO EVENTS. I have bad anxiety days and sometimes just want to be at home, comfortable, and doing my own thing. I also feel guilt to the extreme. I hate when people keep pushing me to go even though I honestly say no, I really don’t want to do that. Guilt-tripping sucks.”
24. I need alone time. It’s seriously nothing against you.
“I need alone time. It’s seriously nothing against you. But I need to be able to breathe and that’s how I breathe. Guilt-tripping me into coming out will only make me more uncomfortable and less likely to willingly come out next time.”
25. If I’m not talking, don’t ask me if I’m OK.
“Being introverted doesn’t mean I don’t like to talk or be social and I can be ‘on’ just as much as an extrovert. I’m quite chatty and I don’t have a problem talking to people and making conversation. It comes quite naturally to me. I like to go out to parties, to social gatherings, to clubs, but I also like to just sit by myself and not have to talk at all. I like my alone time and my quiet time.
I hate it when people ask me if I’m OK when I’m not talking in a group of people. I’m OK but if I wasn’t OK, I wouldn’t want someone to ask me in front of everyone like that.”
26. Strangers don’t owe you a listening ear when you’re feeling chatty.
“Extroverts don’t understand how frustrating their over-proximity is. If someone isn’t engaging you, fucking leave them alone. At work, there’s this guy who is constantly trying to make conversation, but I’m busy. He never takes my cues, and what can you say to someone that doesn’t come off as rude or dismissive? This is extremely stressful. I’m not an asshole, but trying to remove myself from conversations I don’t want to have often makes me feel like an asshole. I don’t want to talk to fucking anyone at the gym. Ever. But when people try to chat with me, same thing. They don’t pick up on cues like me giving one-word answers, not making eye contact, and even wearing headphones.
It’s fucked up to make someone else feel like the bad guy for not engaging with you. It’s overbearing, and strangers don’t owe you a listening ear when you’re feeling chatty.”
27. I don’t need a rich social life.
“We’re not all socially inept people rationalizing a separate anxiety disorder through low levels of social openness. Some of your best friends might be introverts and you’d never know it because we are completely normal.
I’m as introvert as they come. I can, and have, gone weeks, one time months, without being in the same room with any of my friends and never once felt lonely or that my friends hated me. Then, I got invited to a party, went to the party got a bunch of ‘I haven’t seen you in so long, what have you been up to?’ Since then I’ve had a healthy social life again, and usually hang out with somebody once a week and a large group of people twice a month.
I’ve come to realize that, while I have a rich social life (and I am very glad I have it), it’s not a need for me. If people don’t invite me to do things and I never seek them out, but still care for them and think fondly of them in my life all the same. I am still an ‘introvert’ and I’ll do marathon runs after neglecting some friends for too long, but being too social usually burns me out way faster than I plan for, and an inability to include all the people I care for in my life has lost me some friends.”
28. I just desperately need to recharge after being professionally social in an office all day long.
“I don’t hate you, or people, or being social. I just desperately need to recharge after being professionally social in an office all day long.
If you cart me around all over the place and bully me into being social, I will have a 2-3 week recovery period. That’s just the way it is.”
29. Small talk is pointless and energy-consuming.
“Small talk is pointless and energy-consuming. I’d rather talk about important crap, thank you very much.”
30. I love solitude just like you love socializing.
“Garrulity. I will indulge in your inclination for socializing if you’ll also take into consideration my love of solitude. Sometimes I like to sit in companionable silence without incessant chattering that extroverts seem to require as ambiance before they can relax.
It’s not effrontery to want to be alone for a few hours after university; that’s how I unwind. I’m not deliberately ignoring you, I just don’t like to be engrossed in my phone in every minute of leisure time we have.
Designated socializing is better for me; I’m perfectly affable then. Extroverts are too fluid in their interaction times. It’s baffling how after university they go to reinvigorate at a club or local bar.”