I admit I spend more than a couple of hours a day surfing the net, and articles and images about relationships pop out worse than advertisements. I can’t scroll over my Facebook wall without seeing links to different websites, showing photos of perfect, cute and “spontaneous” love moments next to titles like: “Things every girl in a relationship know to be true.” They are even more popular than wedding photos in my wall (and that is something considering my age)!
The Internet seems to conceive the image of a girl with a nice strategically placed tattoo, wearing a cute pair of denim shorts and a crop top, lying in the arms of a strong good-looking guy as any twenty-something straight female reality.
And I guess these kind of pictures are hypothetical portraits of our secret desire: a surfer-looking guy with the patience of a god and the heart of our daddies. Don’t we all want that? Maybe. Al least I do. But there’s a huge difference between knowing girls may have this desire and assuming this is every girl’s reality. It bothers me how Internet people assume we all have been in a relationship like that. Are we supposed to? And let’s not talk about movies.
It seems to me that everyone has something to say about the subject. But, can we actually build a concept of love that suits every single one of us? Come on, that’s impossible! Isn’t it? To be honest, I feel completely left out and I’m hopping I’m not the only one.
I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been into a “puppy love” relationship. Actually, to tell you the truth, I’ve never been into a serious nor formal relationship. Yes I’ve been loved and in love, but no one has ever called me his girlfriend. And previous to all this Internet and media crap I was fine with it.
Before, I didn’t regret any decision in my life because I was certain that the lack of an ordinary relationship in my teen years was my choice, and my choice only. But now I’ve started to wonder if there is something wrong with me for not wanting that as a youngster. And worst of all, I started having doubts about my old relationships: can I call them love? Or was it just lust to the eyes of everyone else?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not writing to complain about Internet’s or media’s preconceived ideas about love. I’m writing to come clean to anyone but me. I refuse to feel sad anymore for my past or lack of it. I no longer want to doubt myself, or the decisions I took down the road. ‘Cause, after thinking about it for a while now, I’m certain that all that I am today is because of the choices I made through my life.
For example, I chose to love a man for over seven years. And today, even though we had it bad sometimes, I can say it was beautiful. He made me part of his world and in the end we became as one. And, God, did we have fun!
So there it is, he wasn’t my boyfriend. He never introduced me to his parents or friends as his girlfriend. But that’s ok because he still was the first kiss that made me linger and more important, he was the fist boy I ever loved. And I don’t need a social label to know that I was loved back all those years.
I also chose early in life to take it more lightly and just have fun. I kissed a couple of guys on the way and had many crushes like every other girl. But instead of feeding my emotional needs from one guy (boyfriend) I learned to love each and every one of my male friends. Actually, I only have a few close girlfriends; I guess boys have always come easy on me. All the important guys in my life became in some way a boyfriend to me. And I’m not talking about a physical connection; I’m talking about an emotional and spiritual connection. Most of them are still a huge part of my life and I wouldn’t change these relationships for the world.
Talking about the physical department, since my early twenties, I had wonderful lovers. This wasn’t much of choice, it was more…destiny? Luck? Let’s just call it life itself. Some of this passionate lovers were Mexican, some more came from different parts of the world. And it isn’t really a long list (not that it would matter), but sure it is a list full of quality. They all manifested themselves in the right place at the right time. And I treasure as gold the time I shared with every one of them because they all had beautiful feelings, therefore, something to teach me about love. That’s right, love, not lust.
So, it may have taken me some years, but I finally realize how lucky I am and how stupid I was for questioning myself. Today I’m certain I’ve always had love in my life! Wonderful, crazy passionate love: deep love. The kind of love some people are afraid of, the kind of love some will never know about. And I’m more than fine with it; I’m proud of it because now I know I had everything but ordinary love.