“When will I love again?” I asked myself. I would often ask this, but it was only recently that I took time to reflect on the thought.
“When I find the right one,” was my usual answer and I admit, I had a totally different perspective about finding the one, but everything changed when I started to fully embrace the season I am in.
Truth be told, I can be in a relationship with anyone I wish to be with right now, but I choose not to.
It’s not because I haven’t fully moved on from my past relationships. It’s not because I couldn’t find a man. It’s not because I believe that all men are the same. It’s not because I’m scared of commitment. It’s because I choose to slow down.
I’ve made really bad decisions in the past. I was immature in handling relationships. I was too focused on taking control of my own life, and worst of all, I lost my relationship with God. As I looked back, I realized how empty my life was without Him and it’s definitely something I do not want to experience ever again.
Now that I have been single for a year and counting, I appreciate everything that I had to go through so I can be where I am now, back in His loving arms.
Every single day, I choose to chase Him, instead of chasing people who do not appreciate my worth. I choose to know Him more, instead of dating and getting to know other men. I choose Him above everything else because I know that when I put Him first, I will never be last.
Building my relationship with Him helped me learn about myself more. I realized how toxic and overly sensitive I was, how indecisive I was when faced with difficult situations, how fearful I was in taking risks, how unloving I was with myself, and the list goes on.
However, despite the imperfections I continue to discover about myself, there is Someone who chooses to look past them and loves me harder instead. There is Someone who heals the broken pieces of my heart and binds up my wounds. There is Someone who encourages me to never give up and to strive harder when the going gets tough. There is Someone who pushes me to move forward because a great future lies ahead of me.
There is Someone who will eventually say, “You’ve waited long enough. You’ve endured so much pain. You listened to Me and stayed. You’ve become the person that I wanted you to be. This is it, my daughter. It’s time.”
Then, I will love again.