This Is What It Means To You Open Your Heart To Someone Again When You Swore You Never Would

Brooke Cagle

It’s looking at this person and not blaming them for the past and the things that hurt you even though you fear the future.

It’s learning to take things slow this time and not getting ahead of yourself.

It’s looking at the relationship and even though you’re scared you still take a chance on it.

It’s every anxiety and every nerve that makes you want to break down and cry and learning how to talk about what you’re feeling and not repressing it.

It’s smiling as you look at someone and terrified of what it is you’re feeling because happiness is so foreign to you.

It’s wanting to take off but standing completely still because maybe this could be different.

It’s learning how to sleep through the night next to someone when you’ve spent alone for so long.

It’s giving up a bit of your freedom and a life you used to lead because maybe this is exactly what you need even though you aren’t used to it.

It’s thinking about your exes and the pain within your heart and suddenly letting it go even though you don’t know what it’s like to live without it.

It’s forgiving people who aren’t even sorry because you deserve to be happy. And you don’t deserve to keep blaming yourself for why things ended.

It’s learning to be grateful for the past because it’s led you to this new person.

It’s trusting someone and letting them in when you want to push them away. But they don’t let you.

It’s not fearing the word goodbye because you know you’ll see them again when everyone else always left you wondering.

It’s telling them your secrets and being vulnerable even though that vulnerability might bring you to your knees crying. There is a sense of relief just letting everything you hold onto so tightly go.

It’s being brave enough to admit how you feel when you’ve carefully hidden your heart behind this guarded wall pretending you don’t care.

It’s being brave enough to let someone in when the last person blew your heart to shreds and you wondered if you were even capable of feeling anything ever again.

It’s the butterflies when you see their name appear on your phone.

The smile that comes across your face when you see them walk closer.

It’s taking their hand and giving them your heart and hoping and a level of trust that’s new to you.

It’s giving your best in this new relationship because they deserve it and you refuse to let anyone in your past influence something right now.

It’s ignoring those texts that come in at odd hours from people who suddenly miss you but what they miss is your attention.

It’s realizing how much better you have it now.

It’s watching yourself fall for this person and not being so afraid anymore.
TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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Image Credit: Brooke Cagle

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