I vehemently believe that my beauty can be a burden. I know this may seem oddly outrageous however, let me explain to you exactly what I mean when I emphasize the word “burden.” Let’s start off with the amount of effort I put into making my intelligence the first thing people notice. If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “Wow, you’re actually really smart!” I’d be driving the world’s most expensive car… PAID IN FULL. Individuals are insanely shocked when they realize that I am clever and that’s offensive, if you ask me.
It’s anomalous, for me, that society puts a substantial and colossal amount of importance on beauty. It seems that to the world, pretty people will always be pretty first and everything else last. I do not want my beauty to be the most valuable thing about me. If anything, I want to use my beauty as an asset. I am smart before I am beautiful. I’m smart and then it’s like “oooh, look, I’m beautiful!” I could only hope that the way that I perceive myself will be equivalent to everyone else’s perception.
Most women hate me without a solid reason. Most married women have trouble liking me as well because they feel I am an automatic threat regardless of the age barrier that me and their husband might have. I work in the restaurant business and it is super transient. Often, married couples or couples in general come in and I will not even dare to greet the guy. I look at the female and greet her as kindly as I possibly can to avoid any major tension. Making people feel uncomfortable is not my favorite, I despise it.
Nevertheless, I have attracted married men, completely unintentionally; it “sucks”. Attracting all sorts of men without even having a say can be a little discomforting. Having female friends can be quite the challenge. Female friends want to see you doing good but not better than them.
Let’s talk about continuously getting harassed. I remember sitting in my car contemplating whether or not I should walk into a store in which a crowd of men were in. I knew that if I walked into that store, looking the way that I was, I would feel extremely uncomfortable with the amount of devoted attention these people would give me. Of course, I definitely appreciate admiration. There are plenty times when I am actually blushing from people heaping that kind of praise on me. Conversely, it can get a little overwhelming. It can be dehumanizing. It’s not that I am apprehensive when it comes to beauty.
Sure, it’s flattering when a guy tells me “Wow. You’re the best thing I’ve seen all day.” And it’s sweet when you’re able to experience human kindness for example, someone holding the door for you, or someone going a little over board to give you that extra help. However, it’s dehumanizing in the sense that certain people seem to never be able to get past your looks. At times, I feel as if I am just an object and not a person, almost as if I am just a trophy and nothing more. Therefore, when I say “dehumanizing” I mean not being treated as a human being instead being treated as if I were an object.
I remember once, a man came into my job and if I told you I had noticed his presence, I’d be lying. It turns out my boss was watching him stare at me closely… too close for comfort. My boss made me sit in his office until the man finished his meal. I recall inactively being in the office and thinking “well, this is enjoyable. I’m being punished for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Now, when the hell did I sign up for this?”
Often, when I go out to clubs I will wear rings that appear as engagement rings to deter men from speaking to me. Going back to uneasiness, when I know I will be working with certain females at my job, I feel pressure to wear my glasses. I do not, in any way or form, want to play the jealousy game at my workplace. I feel that by wearing my glasses, it might eliminate some troubles for them.
Likewise, I feel pressure to be extra kind to people. I do not want people to think I’m a narcissist or anything associated with being one because that is not the case. Lucky for me, I am generous and kind by nature. In conclusion, with every con there is a pro. I won’t get into why being beautiful is advantageous because I’m sure you have heard it all. With that being said, I encourage every beautiful women to find someone who is capable of appreciating their beauty while at the same time treating them like a human being.