The Real Problem With Men Always Paying For Their Dates

Shutterstock / mikecphoto
Shutterstock / mikecphoto

As a Biology student struggling to make ends meet; dealing with scholarly loans, bills; saving for the future and the likes, I just can’t understand it.

I’ve read a couple of articles on the subject of men having to pay for dates and can’t seem to find any reason other than, “women being special and men, not so much.” Now because I’m being crude about it, many people will deny it, call me name, or outright close this article; Yet those people will carry on their lives, subconsciously accepting this as the norm just because…

Women say their interest for a man would plummet if he either didn’t pay for the first date, or accepted her paying her share. Apparently, that shows a man to be cheap – why is it any more ok for women to be cheap? It also shows that a man regards dating as a business arrangement, and doesn’t care much about the lady – Is turning down a man who won’t pay your meal not making dating about “business”? And why does caring involve spending?

They also declare it to be a fair trade, given the amount of time and money women spend prettying themselves for dates. Seems reasonable and fair, except that men as well, have to spend quite some time and money on themselves: A decent haircut costs around $25; dress shirt $20 (plus $15 worth in tailoring); pair of jeans $100 and up, dress shoes in the same price range. That’s an astronomical amount of money too!

Plus one has to worry about transportation (and the bill) on top of that.

It is vile to say the least, how confident these women are about their opinion and won’t dare listen to men who disagree.

The most unfathomable of all is the men enabling this behavior: “If you were a real man, you wouldn’t mind spending. “ “Beta males be like” “A man’s duty is to please a lady” Those men are afraid of rejection (or earning the “loser” label.) They are afraid of standing alone even if that means standing with dignity. They would rather put women on a pedestal – the same women who view them as disposable, as good as they’re willing to dish out money.

I’m not against treating a woman though, because I see any sort of interaction between humans as a form of symbiosis: just as you expect me to provide for you and to protect you, so do I expect you to return the favor by being genuine, embracing your feminine and submissive side.
Unfortunately, nurturing such expectations have granted many men names such as “sexist” “pig” “misogynist”. Because for a man love towards a woman to be real, it should be unconditional.

Ironically, I’ve also noticed that the type of guy who would pay for the first date (and all the following dates) and open the doors for you and carry your purse around at the mall without a stir are also the ones most likely to be possessive, abusive and emotionally distant. So much for being a caring individuals…

So women, is that the type of men you want to attract? Think about the question next time your date reaches for his wallet without a second thought. TC mark

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  • http://lifeinarcadia.wordpress.com Life in Arcadia

    I think because the paying for a first date issue is ingrained, whether we like it or not, it’s up to a guy to pick something that he is comfortable with and can afford. Like many girls I would be just as happy to have a coffee date than a dinner date if that’s more appropriate for you. I think its the fact that from a female point of view, the gesture of paying shows interest and intent. But there’s no reason you have to send yourself broke trying to impress a girl. There are plenty of casual and budget friendly options as well. I can understand your frustration though, must be hard!

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