Although none of the hyper-attractive members of the Thought Catalog staff have ever been denied sex, I have, and I know that it can make you feel bad, unsexy, all that. But in all those times I was denied sex (both of them) I’ve never felt the need to keep track of the reasons given. One Redditor’s husband did.
Okay, kind of funny. Here’s the explanation:
Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.
That’s pretty rough and both Deadspin and the Daily Dot agreed that this isn’t the best way to do things, the Dot going so far as to remind the world that sex isn’t owed to any man. That is, of course, true, and completely besides the point.
Consider that this husband had begun keeping a sex spreadsheet and by his wife’s account is a completely normal and sane person.
Let that sink in.
How much lack of sex does one man have to put up with before he moves on from internet pornography to Excel scorekeeping? I’d warrant it’s A LOT. I’d go so far as to guess that this had been the ongoing and normal situation in this household for far more than simply the month and a half where the sexsess rate was 3 out of 30 (a terrible average). That may be the average at places like Deadspin or the Daily Dot but we here at TC demand our sex lives be vibrant and almost constantly talked about. But seriously…
Sexual compatibility is important and if your overwhelming reaction to your mate’s attempts to woo you is that “you feel gross” or “you feel sick” or “you want to watch a Friends rerun” then maybe don’t be surprised when he or she eventually gets exhausted with your self involved BS and draws a line in the sand or simply leaves. For my part, I’d assume my partner was cheating.
Sex isn’t owed but it’s expected in a sexual relationship. If it’s not being given freely and enthusiastically then it’s time to change the nature of the relationship.