“I have to tell you something,” said my friend Teal, over avocado toast.
“I may have downloaded the Kim Kardashian iPhone game and now I’m obsessed. It’s so stupid.”
I leaned over as she showed me her phone, illuminated with a GIANT cartoonified version of Kim Kardashian.
“It’s so stupid,” she repeated, as I took out my phone and started downloading the game myself.
“But I’m addicted.”
Cut four weeks later. My real-life sleep schedule now coordinates with my fictional photo shoots. Fictional guys who wear fedoras and shutter shades insult my carefully chosen outfits regularly. I somehow made it to the A-list with over 60 million fans in a few weeks based on my “raw talent,” though I’m not entirely sure my character didn’t manipulate her way to the top with a few favors…
No, I’m not so sure I want to “take a break” right there, thank you. Killer exclamation point arm tattoo though.
I’m a slave to this game and I can’t figure out why. I’ve seen Keeping Up With the Kardashians exactly once. I don’t have Hollywood modeling aspirations. I don’t even play iPhone games! Not even 2048. So why am I addicted to Kim Kardashian: Hollywood? Why is the world?
It’s funny, but Kim Kardashian seems to me to be more of a concept and an idea than an actual person. Even in the game, she is this weird elusive figure that I occasionally have to comfort when she loses gifts for her “momager.” Sometimes she tweets at me. It seems aggressive.
Here’s my theory: we love the game because it’s so drastically removed from our real lives, it’s absurd. Of course, that’s the intention with virtually every role-playing game– we immerse ourselves in a world radically different from our own, becoming characters completely separate and disparate from ourselves. However, in this misogynistic, hedonistic, bizarre world where it somehow only costs $15 to get from LAX to Paris, we don’t really do anything. It’s almost laughable to call it a role playing game. Literally we tap the screen enough times and eventually, fame comes to us. No, this isn’t a role-playing game– it’s an insight into Kim Kardashian’s life. She basically has created an empire from her laissez-faire approach on life. It’s kind of miraculous and also very sad. No wonder my character sucks up to her so much.
Today, almost a month after I’ve downloaded the game, my mom texts me. “I’ve been playing that stupid Kim K game but I keep running out of energy. How do I get more energy???”
I text her back: “You have to wait for it to recharge. Tap objects around town and energy comes out of them.”
She responds: “I tap everything but I never get any freakin energy. Ugh!”
Leave it to Kim Kardashian to unintentionally bridge the generational gap between millennials and their goal-oriented, hard-working parental figures.
This game not only is sucking up revenue, it is also sucking out our souls – Dementor style. So what do we do in the midst of this hype? Churchill would say keep calm and carry on. Dumbledore would say get a stronger Patronus. I say that I have a photoshoot to get back to, so I’m going to stop typing and start tapping. 
