Toxic humans aren’t toxic all the time — and that’s the problem. When someone who has hurt you time and time again suddenly surprises you with a thoughtful present or a sweet compliment, you might forget about the uncomfortable moments you’ve shared in the past. You might start to look at them in a different light. You might ignore the bad in order to focus on the good.
But you need to understand, humans operate in a gray area. They aren’t one-hundred percent good or one-hundred percent bad. Even the people who are incredibly toxic, the people who you shouldn’t keep in your world for any longer, are going to have heartfelt moments. Moments when they seem sweet and generous. Moments when it’s hard to believe they would ever hurt you again.
You need to remember that even the most toxic people in the world can say and do nice things for you every once in a while. If you forget that, then you’re going to be confused when you’re disrespected one day and then showered with affection the next day. You aren’t going to walk away because you’ll be convinced they’re a good person deep down.
But you shouldn’t settle for someone who is good sometimes, someone who treats you well sometimes, someone who comes across as respectful sometimes. You should be with someone who treats you with respect all the time, even when they’re wasted or frustrated or coming home from a long, stressful day.
Toxic humans aren’t always going to be mean to you. That’s why it’s so hard to leave them. If they were always nasty, then you would have no reason to stay. It would be obvious that they don’t deserve you. It would be clear that you need to get the hell away.
The problem is that toxic people can be so damn nice sometimes. They can treat you with so much love and affection sometimes. They can make you feel like you’re overreacting when they switch moods and hurt you because you have trouble understanding how someone who is capable of such kindness can also be capable of such cruelty.
It’s important to remember that even the kindest people are going to make mistakes — and even the worst people are going to do good deeds every once in a while. Forgetting how complex human beings are is dangerous. If you forget, you might think you should stay in a situation that is more bad than good. If you forget, then you might keep giving someone a chance long after they deserve you.
Toxic humans aren’t toxic all the time. Sometimes, they will make you laugh. They will make you feel beautiful. They will make you feel like you’re exactly where you belong. And that’s why it’s so hard to spot them when you’re in a relationship with one. That’s why leaving is so tricky.
Remember, toxic humans are capable of treating you with kindness some of the time — but you deserve someone who treats you with kindness all of the time.