Why Good Women Get Into Almost Relationships With Emotionally Unavailable Men

A good woman with an emotionally unavailable man
Unsplash / Brooke Winters

We think we can handle ourselves. We think we have good taste. We think we have finally stumbled across the perfect man who laughs at our jokes and spoils us with affection and is attracted to us on top of that.

Then he hits us with the worst possible phrase: I’m not ready for a relationship right now.

Excuses will come pouring out of him afterward — about how his ex cheated on him, about his parents got divorced, about how he is swamped with work, about how he is not able to give you what you deserve. 

We give men like this a chance anyway, even though they warned us they were going to break our hearts from the start, because they are the kings of sending mixed signals and we take that as a good thing.

We think those mixed signals mean they are on the fence about whether they want to date us. We think those mixed signals mean we have a shot of turning this thing between us into an official relationship if we keep playing our cards right.

But we are always wrong. Men like this only enter almost relationships because they are emotionally unavailable. They are able to compliment us and kiss us and sweep us off our feet, but they are unable to follow through on promises.

They will be there for us when we are in a good mood and want to joke around, but when we are having a rough day and need a shoulder to cry on, they will go missing in action. They will only hover around when it’s easy. When emotions aren’t as involved.

They will act like we are the love of their life when they want to have sex with us or get drunk with us at the bar — but when morning arrives and real life begins again, they will treat us like a complete stranger. They will withdraw in order to protect themselves. They will remain guarded, even after we prove we are someone they can trust.

Emotionally unavailable men keep their distance emotionally but move quickly physically. They want to get us into bed before we have the chance to realize we are never going to become an official couple. Before we come to our senses and walk away.

These men will be careful about which stories they tell us. They won’t want to get too vulnerable with us because they don’t want us to see the real them. They will keep most of their secrets to themselves, but once in a while they will give us breadcrumbs about their past to make us think we are cracking through their walls. To give us false hope.

Emotionally unavailable men have excuses for everything. They will not be able to hang out over the weekend because their car broke down or their phone died or their cousin is in town. They will only hang out with us when it is convenient for them, and even when that happens, we will hang out on their terms, in the place that they want, at the time that they want.

Emotionally unavailable men will find just as many excuses to get mad at us. They will freak out when we take too long to answer their texts or when we ask them a certain question or when we call them out on their bullshit. This is because they are looking for excuses to leave before the relationship becomes too serious. Commitment terrifies them, which means that we terrify them.

Emotionally unavailable men act like nothing is their fault. They will call their exes psycho. They will eventually call us psycho. They will only care about themselves and accidentally end up hurting us in the process. As long as they get what they want, they are happy. Nothing else matters to them. They never take our emotions into consideration because if we end up getting our hearts shattered by them, that is our own fault. After all, they warned us from the start.

Emotionally unavailable men make us think they could be the one — but when it comes down to it, they fail to deliver all of the things they have promised. They will let us down time and time again. They will never rise to meet our expectations, which means we should never stoop to chasing them. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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