When You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Understand Your Anxiety

A girl with anxiety
Unsplash /
Sharon McCutcheon

When you love someone who doesn’t understand your anxiety, you are going to feel like the bad guy. There will be times when you cancel plans at the last second. Times when you’re the party pooper who asks to leave early. And when that happens, your person is going to give you a look. They are going to get annoyed. They are going to wonder, either to themselves or aloud, why you can never just relax and enjoy yourself like a ‘normal’ person.

They are going to make you feel like there is something wrong with you. They will encourage you to keep your emotions to yourself because they don’t want to be the one calming you down every time you get upset over something they consider stupid — and you get upset a lot. 

They will become frustrated when you follow them around at parties because you don’t know anyone there and would rather hover behind them than be left alone to mingle. They will get annoyed when you ask them whether they love you for the thousandth time because you need reassurance they aren’t going anywhere.

Pretty much everything you do will be a cause for them to complain. They won’t like it when you’re too quiet around their friends. They won’t like it when you overanalyze their actions. They won’t like it when you want to snuggle in bed instead of spending the weekends at the club.

When you escape to the bathroom because you need a second to breathe, they won’t feel bad for you. They will feel bad for themselves because you ruined their good time and now they have to worry about whether you’re doing okay.

During the rare occasions when they actually comfort you, they will feel like a hero. Like you should be so thankful they treated you like a fellow human being. Like dating you is a accomplishment since it’s so difficult.

They will not love you the way you deserve. They will talk down to you like a child. They will make you feel like you’re lesser. They will convince you there is something wrong with you because your mind works differently than theirs does and they aren’t sure how to cope with that fact.

When you love someone who doesn’t understand your anxiety, you will eventually come to the realization that you need to leave. You need to find someone who fits you better. You need to hold out for someone who might not understand your anxiety completely but at least makes an effort to try.

You need someone who will squeeze your palms when your hands start shaking. Someone who will make you laugh when you’re coming down from a panic attack. Someone who will encourage you to venture outside of your comfort zone but won’t be mad at you when you say you cannot do it.

You need someone who would never treat your emotions like a burden.

Someone who wants you to feel safe and tries their best to make that happen.

Someone who doesn’t let your anxiety get in the way of loving you. TC mark

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