She tries her hardest to look like she has it all together, because she doesn’t want the world to see how much she is struggling.
That is why she spends so much time in the bathroom, making sure every hair is in place, checking to see if her makeup has smudged. She knows that most people will judge her based on the outside. If she looks pretty, then they will think she is functioning fine.
She spends so long picking out the right filter for her Instagram photos, making sure her skin looks as smooth as possible, because she knows that most people assume what they see on social media is real life.
If she looks happy in pictures, they will think she is happy inside her home as well.
She embellishes the stories she tells about what she did over the weekend, even though she secretly spent most of her time crying in her bedroom or snacking on her couch. She knows the right story will throw people off. It will stop them from worrying — and the last thing she wants is for others to worry.
No one has any idea she has been struggling, because she is doing well for herself. From the outside, it seems like nothing is wrong.
She puts in her full effort at work, even though there are times when her thoughts wander and she has trouble paying attention to what’s going on around her. She makes time to see her friends, even though she might be a little too quiet and laugh a little too hard.
When she is out in public, she puts on an act. She becomes the person everyone expects her to be, because she feels like she isn’t allowed to tell the truth.
The truth is, she has been feeling off lately. She has lost her energy. She has stopped getting excited about the little things, the big things, and everything in between. She just wants a break.
Every morning, she forces herself to get up, to get changed, and to get out of the house because that is what she has been conditioned to do. But if she had a choice, she would stay in bed all day. She would sleep through the hours.
She is sick of playing pretend. She doesn’t know how much longer she can trick everyone into thinking she is perfectly fine.
She might look like she has it all together, but that is only because she knows what not to say. She never says how she is really feeling. She never admits how much pain is stinging her heart. She never reveals the real her.
She used to think it was easier to lie about how well she was doing, but she is slowly realizing that she can’t keep up the act. She would rather come clean. She would rather let the world know how much she has been struggling, because bottling up her feelings is dangerous. Because it’s okay not to be okay.